A list to end 2006!

Since this is most likely the last post I will make in 2006, I thought it best to end with a list...since I love them so. Although, I should warn you, this list has absolutely nothing to do with the ending of 2006 or the beginning of 2007. So, let's get on with it.

1. Today I talked for four hours with a guy I met recently. Me! Four hours! I could hardly believe it myself. Still can't (clearly, since it warranted first mention on this list).
2. Is it wrong that I don't even consider dating a person named Jesse? I have a profile on a free dating site and I checked it today (for the first time months, thank you very much) and a guy named Jesse had sent me a message. And I probably won't even respond. I mean really...Jess and Jesse? Even I want to make fun of us!
3. I'm going to spend at least part of New Year's Day at work. I'm a little bummed by this, but I have to lessons planned for this week or the week will be even more miserable than I suspect it is going to be.
4. Grocery shopping for the first time in nearly six weeks is a lot of fun. Doing it on New Year's eve? Slightly less fun. But (!) I did get caught up on all the cheesy end-of-the-year celebrity gossip as I waited in the check out line (for nearly 20 minutes!). And nearly died trying not to laugh when the guy behind me looked at my food on the conveyer belt and said, "::pause:: Your food is in categories. ::pause:: That's a lot of cheese." One, yes, I categorize my food on the belt - makes it easier for whoever is bagging to do so. And makes unpacking at home easier too. And two, yes, I did buy a lot of cheese. Can't help it, I like cheese.
5. My roommate left for Madison on Thursday and put a time release food pellet into her fish's bowl before she left. She also asked me to check in on the fish now and again - make sure the fish has food, etc. I am now terrified this fish is going to die on me. I check on it all of the time! (I don't feed it all of the time though, that'd be bad.) We just have to get through one more day...our interactions go something like this: Me "Hey fish, how's it going?" Fish ::glub glub:: Me "Good, good. Now don't die on me today, alright?" Fish ::glub glub:: I tell myself the second response is in the affirmative.
6. Yes, I know, I'm more than a little nuts.
7. I'm going to a small party tonight at a former coworkers. Eight to ten single folks who didn't want to worry about where to go, what to wear and who to kiss at midnight. We're having soul food (b/c someone wanted us to have black eyed peas - they bring good luck in the new year) and I was assigned to bring the greens. Yes, me. Collard greens. Uhm...right. Hi, white girl from the north, in case nobody's looked in awhile. White girl from the north who doesn't eat pork. Know what gives collard greens their taste? That'd be hamhock. Hell, I don't even know what hamhock is, let alone where to get it or what to do with it when I did. Luckily, said guy I was talking with today found me a vegetarian recipe. I hope no one minds that they are eating pork-free greens! At least there will be plenty of other food...and lots of booze!
8. Friday I needed to get out of the house so I went in search of the discount linen store my mom talks about - supposedly they have a branch out here. It was awesome. I got four pillows and a bedskirt (I have been looking for a cream/ivory bedskirt since August) for $35! Then I bought myself new sneakers a Payless - they're Champions and make me happy b/c they look like soccer shoes. Then I got a pedicure b/c my feet really needed it and I was already wearing flip flops. Oh, and I got stuff at the dollar store to replenish my prize box at school (lots of playing cards and art supplies - boys are harder to buy for). It was a good day.
9. Crap. I may never make it to ten. But I can't leave this at a random number like eight. (And yes, I know that was totally cheating, but we all have our compulsions.)
10. Oh! Today someone shared with me this quote by Nietzsche (I'm pretty sure that is spelled completely wrong) and I really liked it. It has nothing to do with anything, but it reminds me of a lot of people I have known, myself included. I mean, really, why do human beings have such a hard time just being nice or accepting a compliment or whatever? Anyway, he said:

    "There are occurrences of such a delicate nature that one does well to cover
    them up with some rudeness to conceal them; there are actions of love and
    extravagant generosity after which nothing is more advisable than to take a
    stick and give any eyewitness a sound thrashing: that would muddle his memory."

Okay, so with those completely random thoughts I bid y'all are fond farewell. I'll talk to you in 2007! Oh, and...HAPPY NEW YEAR!

strange

I just finished reading Ines Of My Soul, the latest book by Isabel Allende and thought it would be good to get out of the house (having only left for a few hours this morning to grade at the coffee shop). I figured I would go see a movie, as I love seeing movies alone - I consider it a real treat to sit quietly, eat popcorn and allow myself to be completely engrossed in the action/drama/jokes/etc. But when I got to listings online I discovered that, although there are several movies out that I would like to see, I have no motivation to see any of them tonight. Alone. Strange how that works sometimes.

So since I'm not headed out to the cinema, I may as well give a quick recap of my adventures in the Midwest.

Going home is always such a mixture of emotions. From the moment I land in Chicago to the moment I land in DC I am filled with otherwise conflicting emotions that seem content to coexist within me, much to the distress of my mind. How can one person be so happy in one place and yet so hesitant to return? How can one feel so much love and understanding and yet, at the same time, like an outsider? It is a paradox of emotions that I suspect I will feel each time I return and it is not one I regret, but something that makes me wonder about the workings of our minds and hearts. It is these types of incongruencies that I love in people.

I got to spend one whole day with my mom, which I loved. Her hair is growing back after her chemo and to all others she appears to be another older woman with a short and sassy cut (especially wearing the new silver hoops my dad bought her). She went without her wig the whole time we were at the mall and even though she sometimes slipped on her knit cap, I was so proud of her. And I don't mean that in a condescending way - I have always admired my mom, but this past year has shown me just how strong and brave and amazing she really is.

I also got to go out to dinner with just my parents. It is not often that we get to do this even though it is those moments I most appreciate. Just sitting and talking and joking and enjoying great food (in this case, pretty damn fine barbeque for the north side of Chicago) - it's how I wish I could spend all of my nights and what I miss most about not living with/near my family. Plus, my parents have been married for 30 years and their love is still palpable to those around them. Even though I sometimes want to smack my dad for not letting my mom do anything for herself (and my mom for letting him do it) and my mom's moodiness makes me want to shake even as my dad goes on unaffected, they clearly are each other's everything and I think I am pretty lucky to have parents who have always been that way.

Christmas with the grandparents was just as strange as Thanksgiving. My grandma is truly beside herself trying to deal with my mom's and now my uncle's cancer. It was a quieter, smaller Christmas, but still a great one. Having my (second) cousin Brianna there brought a lot of laughter to the gathering (she's a born entertainer, I think). My uncle stopped by as we were finishing dinner (called lunch by you "city folk") and the sight of him literally made me stop in my tracks. I mean, this man has always been larger than life to me. Both literally (he's well over 6 feet and has always been big) and figuratively (his laughter and voice would not be mislabelled as "booming"). And there he was, surgical mask in place to protect him from any germs, still tall, but shrunken and whispery. My mom had warned me saying, "it is truly just a matter of time," but I still didn't expect it. He sat in the den with my mom, my dad, my other uncle, my aunts and my grandparents - the first time my mom has seen him since he was diagnosed. There is, as always, some drama surrounding all of this (people act in unimaginable ways when grieving), but overall I am glad we got to see him. The whole day was surreal, but not bad - I talked more with my grandpa than I ever have in my life, my cousin and his girlfriend are patient and loving parents to a wonderful little girl and the faith and love of my family is truly amazing.

My favorite family moment came on Christmas Eve. After Mass (which was awesome, aside from the giggling, ridiculous teenaged boys behind us) and dinner, my parents, sisters and I sat in the living room and took turns opening our gifts. It took about two hours, not becuase there were so many gifts, but because we kept stopping to tease and laugh and tell stories. I have said it again and again, but I am blessed to have been born into my family.

But my week in the Midwest wasn't all about family and Christmas. I also spent three days in Madison, visiting with old friends. Madison has changed a lot and it was weird to be there. On Friday night I walked around the downtown/campus area and was struck by a sense of melancholy. Perhaps it was nostalgia. It wasn't because so much has changed, but because, even if it hadn't - even if everything had been just as it was when I left Madison in 2003 - it still wouldn't have been what it once was. Contrary to what the song says, sometimes you can't go back. Not that that is always a bad thing. I love Madison for what it was, but I wouldn't want to go back there. Not now. And I had so much fun while I was there last week. Coffee with Alison at Sunroom, lunch and shopping with Maggie and Steph on the east side of town, lunch and shopping with Cole and Karen and Marcia on State Street - it was full of laughter and food and gossip and memories and happiness. I'd be lying to say I don't miss my friends and the ease of our get togethers something awful when I am back home in DC. (In fact, the best moment may have been just sitting in the Union with Cole, Karen and Marcia talking about everything and nothing until we noticed how much time had gone by and had to part ways.)

I also got together with some high school friends. I hasd Mexcian food and margaritas with Kara, Katie and their significant others one afternoon. We shared stories (old - those poor boys have heard the same stories from Hurely, VA a million times over - and new) and drank and were served by the same woman who has been our waitress at that restaurant since we were high schoolers who couldn't order anything more exciting than a virgin daiquiri with our burritos!

I also went for Korean bbq with Mijin, Wendy, Noah and Zo (and Yasmin and Joe, who I didn't know as well) and then we met Brandon, Shruti and Nilay for drinks. These get togethers are always so different from my Wisconsin ones and yet still so much fun. When I think of all the years Mijin, Wendy and I have spent laughing at those boys.... They did not disappoint this time either. One day, some women are going to be awfully lucky to land those guys (and the guys? they'll be shocked at their good fortune, of course). Wendy and Mijin continue to be the irrepressible, hilarious and compassionate people I befriended in high school. I don't know when I last laughed so hard or felt so at ease (other than the few days prior, when I'd been in WI). Jo and I, who have now been friends for nearly half our lives (think about that!), met for lunch on my last day in Chicago. Many things have changed for both of us and our friendship is nothing like it once was, but it is still strong and good and it was so nice to sit at the lunch counter on Cicero and chat about our lives and our families, just like always.

This post clearly took on a life of its own and I find myself ending in a much different place than I imagined. Not a bad place though - I hope you agree. And I hope that your holidays were also filled with love and laughter and good food and great memories!

Back in DC

A real post is coming soon, but I wanted to let you know that new photos have been posted on my Facebook page HERE and HERE. There are more to be added from my last night in Chicago, but those will have to wait until I get back from the doctor.

Obligatory

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

I hope that your day is full of laughter and love and family and joy. And if you don't celebrate the holiday, then I hope your day is full of relaxation and that you take full advantage of a day where many others are not out and about. ENJOY!

Ha!

Thanks, Jen!

Joy to the world,
The Jess is come.

Joy To The World
from the Christmas Song Generator.

http://thesurrealist.co.uk/christmas.php" method="get">Get your own song :

Lacking fluidity, not substance

It is 10:37pm Sunday, but I can’t seem to access the Internet so I will write now and, perhaps, post later.

My dad’s Aunt Jeannie died this morning. She was very old and had been fading for some time now. Fading. What a silly euphemism. Like she was a photograph left out in the sun for too long, as opposed to a vibrant and wonderful woman. Strange, the things we say to avoid saying the truth. She had been dying for months, maybe even longer. She was placed in hospice care nearly two months ago and we all knew that it was only a matter of time. And yet, still, when my dad told me the news tonight I found myself in complete shock. I mean, one minute I am beaming and laughing with my roommate and the next minute I am seeking out a place in the movie theater lobby into which I can tuck myself. I’m not even sad. Not really. Not about her death. I didn't know her well. She was very old. I am saddened by the news, but not actively sad. I think that makes sense.

What I am sad about is this: I’m sad that my family isn’t closer (more tight-knit, not closer geographically...although that too, I guess). I’m sad that I haven’t seen my cousins’ children in over a year, that the extended families (on both sides) don’t get together more, that I live so far away.

An old friend visited a few weeks back and he asked me if I was planning on staying in DC. The answer is yes. I am happy here. It took me awhile to accept that, but it is the truth. (One of the nice things about getting older is that I am accepting many truths about myself.) But, like so many things in life, the truth is also more complicated than that. The reality of it, in all of the shades of gray, is that I have a hard time reconciling the life I lead now with the life I thought I would be leading. I never in a million years thought I would really leave the Midwest. I never imagined living 800 miles from my family and closest friends. I never really thought I'd still be single at 26 (and seriously, by now I'm an expert single person). And yet here I am - all of those things and still happy int his life that sometimes seems so "wrong." It is a bizarre feeling – one that often leaves me feeling more than a little unsettled.

My dad’s phone call this evening stirred all of this up and as Elizabeth and I walked along the Potomac and back to the car (we saw a movie in Georgetown), I found myself unable to stop talking – even though I wasn’t making much sense. A similar sense of urgency compelled me to write this entry. It isn’t fluid and the thoughts aren’t followed through to completion (much like y writing in high school, if my teachers' comments are to be believed), but it’s where I’m at right now. No worries, it is not a bad place. In fact, I think it is a pretty familiar place for most people my age. One day I’ll look back on this and shake my head at my silly insecurities and naïve plans (after all, “man plans, G-d laughs”), but for now they are real and exist right alongside my contentment and confidence. Funny how that works.

Oh happy day!

School's out for winter (break)! I cannot believe that it is already the middle of December. I cannot believe that I am off of work for the next two weeks. I cannot believe that I leave for Chicago in approximately 4 days. I cannot believe I will be in Madison in 5 or 6 days. I am truly in shock. Overwhelmingly pleasant shock, to be sure, but shock all the same.

My last day was good - lots of hugs and laughter and some serious moments. I brought candy canes for my seventh graders and cupcakes for my seniors and all of my classes earned a movie day by having a week of excellent behavior and work (okay, Monday was crap, but the rest of the days were fabulous and they were (and I quote) "AMAZING" (empahsis hers) for my substitute yesterday). So, I ate a bunch of garbage and watched the first 40 minutes of XMen (2x), XMen United and Lilo & Stitch during class today. But I also patrolled the hallways like nobody's business, gave my first period a stern talking to about eye contact and active listening.

Yesterday I was in a day-long training on how to be a behavior management coach. It was a great training, with 6 or 7 other teachers from the school, but early on there was a misunderstanding between 2 of the participants that ended with one crying and both apologizing and being more than a little emotional (in my opinion). Then a third person got involved and there were more tears. Only one of the coaches in training is a man and this afternoon he came into my room and said, "How to phrase this? ... I don't know, so I hope you aren't offended. You know, when that all went down yesterday I immediately looked for another man to make eye contact with and realized I was the only guy. And THEN I realized that I should be looking for you only you wer sitting behind me!" I laughed and was not offended at all. It's completely true. I am a girl and a woman in a million ways, but I am most certainly like a guy in this: I emote like a man. Which is to say, I really don't. It was actually kind of cool that he got that.

In the final stages of planning my trip back to the Midwest. No wedding to attend means less people will be seen (sad) and more plans must be coordinated (no lie, I kind of dig this part). I am beyond excited to hang out with Maggie and Stephanie and Cole and Karen and Marcia. And I'm looking forward to being in Madison again - I imagine it will look very different (again). I'm also hoping for a post-Christmas WY reunion of sorts, but, as usual, have put that on Wendy to plan (thanks, chica!). AND (!) this winter, Kara, Katie and I will all be in Chicago at the same time, so there will be much reminiscing over margaritas and Mexican food at Taxco. Yum....

Enough of this being in my classroom thing! Work's been done for nearly 30 minutes - it is time to get to happy hour and celebrate! Have a wonderful weekend, y'all!

For the record

My little sister leaves the best voicemails EVER!

Speaking of my sisters, today is their 23rd birthday! They are two of the most amazing women that I know - strong, smart, funny and beautiful. Happiest of birthday wishes, Lindsey and Rachel!

Ab-so-fucking-lutely

A little message from your friendly ACLU member:

An Overdue Visit

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the nation
Friends of Freedom knew it was a special occasion.
Lady Liberty stood taller just off the shore
Her torch shining brighter than a few weeks before

But it wasn't the flame turning her cheeks all rosy
It was thoughts of Snowe, Feingold and Nancy Pelosi
And leaders from every side of the aisle
Who would soon bring the Bill of Rights back into style.

The Amendments had all hurried out of their beds -
Which was no easy task, they were nearly in shreds -
And they rushed to the window on papery feet
As a jolly old man flew right over their street.

"Could it be!?" they inquired as the roof shook and trembled
And they crept toward the mantle, peaceably assembled,
Just as someone emerged from the chimney with flair
In a shiny red suit, with a shock of white hair

And a top hat, and pants all in red, white and blue -
"Wait a minute," the Amendments exclaimed, "Who are you?"
"Don't be frightened my children," he said, "it's no scam.
"You can't have forgotten your old Uncle Sam!"

"Holy crap!" said Free Speech. "Stop right there!" yelled Bear Arms
And Privacy cried "Who shut off the alarms?!"
The Fifth remained silent, but Uncle Sam said
"We've been having some trouble, but Freedom's not dead."

The Amendments were cautious. "It's just been so long
"We've seen Liberty lost, we've seen so much go wrong.
"The President's trying to mangle and warp us,
"The Fourth is in tatters, so's Habeas Corpus!"

The old man sat down - he had had quite a ride -
But he told them "Don't worry, the Law's on our side,
"'Cause the nation's fed up and more people are crying
"For Justice and an end to illegal spying,

"And secret abductions by the CIA,
"And laws that would take women's choices away,
"And Gitmo tribunals and secret detention,
"And other intrusions too numerous to mention - "

"Not so fast," said a grinchity voice from above
And Don Rumsfeld pushed past the Fourteenth with a shove.
He was covered in soot and he looked kind of scary.
It seemed like his Christmas had not been so merry.

The Amendments said they weren't happy to see him:
"You tried to throw all of us in the museum!
"You've done so much the Constitution forbids!"
"And I would have gone on, but for you meddling kids!"

Uncle Sam told him "Rummy, your plans just won't do,
"So we've got a brand new timetable for you!"
And as Rumsfeld retired and crept into the night
The Amendments cried out "Have a good secret flight!"

From the distance they heard him reply with a snort.
"Bye-bye, Rummy!" they answered, "we'll see you in court!"
Uncle Sam rode the chimney up out of the room
And, like Frosty, he said "I'll be back again soon."

But they heard him exclaim "Oh, and just one more thing!
"This year, when the holiday bells start to ring,
"Try to honor religion. Honest faith can't be wrong.
"It's America, can't we all just get along?

"So, on Christian," he cried, "Muslim, Hindu, and Jew!
"On Quaker! On Shaker! And Atheist too!
"On Buddhist! On Taoist! And to show we're not chickens
"We'll file a few lawsuits defending the Wiccans!

"Your belief is your right, so get out there and savor it.
"Uncle Sam's not a preacher, and he doesn't play favorites!"
So this holiday season, whatever you do,
Warmest wishes for Freedom, from the ACLU.

Thoughts and prayers

My thoughts and prayers today go out to the families in Milwaukee affected by the explosion at Falk Corporation. I haven't lived in Milwaukee in three years, but I was still shaken when I saw the photos and the maps - the explosion wasn't far from where I once lived. You can read more about the accident on the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel site. I hope all of you in the Milwaukee area are safe. I hope your relatives are safe. What a horrible thing to happen...

Mental filing cabinet

I love that a friend texted me, "Are financial aid forms covered under FERPA?" And I love even more that somewhere in my mental filing cabinet I actually had the answer. Memory is an amazing thing.

Anyway, I'm off to the Lupe Fiasco concert tonight. I am super excited! He's from Chicago and amazing. I'll let you know how it goes! :)

Muy fria

Someone who speaks Spanish better than I can feel free to correct my subject for today's post. And someone who lives somewhere that is actually cold can feel free to argue with me on this.

It was 76 degrees here on Friday. Today, with wind chill, it is about 20 degrees. That is a pretty significant drop for your body to acclimate to in such a short time span.

Even not considering that, consider this: I haven't been able to fully feel my toes since about noon and I have taught the last three hours wearing my coat. I resisted the urge to also wear my scarf.

Welcome, winter. We missed you so.

On a semi-related note, I have the first week of April off and am thinking of taking a vacation. I'd really like to go to Belize or Negril, but finances will prevent this. So now I'm looking for something cheaper and closer. Ideas?

Sex talk

Tomorrow is World AIDS Day. I hope you do your best to educate yourself and others about this epidemic. (See www.amfar.org for good info.) Terrance and Drew, the two men with whom I co-teach seventh period decided to teach their lessons about HIV/AIDS in honor of this day. Tuesday was an intro with bios of people affected by AIDS and today kids presented reports on those people and then we opened it up to questions. And oh the questions...remember this class is made up of 12-14 year old boys (some of whom are sexually active and some of whom still think girls are kind of gross):

Actual things I said:
"No, you can't get HIV from saliva."
"Not from sweat either."
"Yes. I know someone with HIV. Statistics tell us that, by the time you're my age, you will too."
"Yes, you have to use a condom."
"Yes, I'm serious. Use one. Every time."
"I don't care what she says. Use a condom."
"No really, I mean it."
"And don't keep a condom in your wallet."
"Seriously. It's the worst possible place to keep one."
"No, I'm not making that up. You keep your wallet in your back pocket so your body heat breaks down the latex in the condom and makes it more likely to fail."
"What do you mean, 'What do I do if I don't have a condom?' Find one or don't have sex."

The most awkward moment for us all came when a student asked a clarifying question about vaginal fluid. Thank G-d it was wam in the room and my face was already flushed.

Terrance and Drew hung in there for awhile, but once I spoke up with a clarification about the difference between HIV/AIDS the trainer in me kicked in. Plus a lot of our kids have been raised by their moms so, in a lot of ways, they're more comfortable asking me.

My job is awesome. Seriously.

Priceless

My students are not angels. Hell, on most days, we all barely make it through unscathed. I often have to stop a lesson multiple times b/c someone has taken something from someone else. No one is allowed out of their seat without permission and we spent a week at the start of school reviewing routes to the garbage can and supply table so that no one is tempted to hit someone or snatch something as they walk by. Today so many of them weren't listening during first period that I just sat down and told them to finish taking notes on their own. It's far from easy and it's often thankless, but every once in awhile there is some shining moment that you file away to replay in those darker times. This morning I had one of those...

This may be one of those "you had to be there stories," but I need to share it anyway.

First period starts at 8am, but most students arrive at least five minutes early. They talk, draw, gossip, etc and it's generally not a big deal. I'm usually in the doorway, monitoring the class, but also doing hall duty. This morning, DH & DS walked into class early singing "Walk it Out" by DJ Unk and "walking it out." (Note: to "walk it out" is different for each person, but you can get a general idea with this dance video.) I went into the hall as expected and periodically peeked in on my class. With about a minute to go before class, I heard the familiar refrain of "walk it, walk it, walk it out" and I looked into my classroom and saw about 3/4 of my boys - all clothed in khakis, button downs, ties and dress shoes, mind you - dancing their hearts out. Other teachers passing by couldn't help but smile. And then the final bell rang and...get this...every one of them sat down!

Okay, so maybe you had to be there. Just trust me, it was awesome. And today, of all days, I needed awesome.

WTF?!

A woman in Ohio has been charged with murdering her newborn by microwaving him. Or her. I can't remember, but that's not the point. The point is that someone thought to place their child in the microwave. And you know what's really unbelieveable? This is not the first time this has happened.

Sometimes, I have to wonder about the state of humanity...

It's not fun, being sick

So I went to sleep at 9:30p and dragged myself out of bed at 6a and I am still tired today! This is simply not okay. I have been staring aimlessly at my computer for nearly an hour, trying to think of something productive to do (my students are working on independent research). Me thinks it will be a long afternoon.

Cleaning house

I'm at work and have a small "to do" list in front of me, but I need to silence the voices in my head first. And the best way to do that is to get my thoughts out of my head and out here. Or, at least, that usually works.

I used my last journal as a space to share everything and that backfired on me. I have avoided using this journal to share information about my family out of fear that the same thing would happen and out of respect ofr my family members' privacy, but I have to get this out and trust that y'all will not abuse the information.

A few weeks ago I posted a short note to G-d, asking Him to please heal my family. My family unit continues to be strong and well, but its indivdual members keep falling ill. As most of you know, my mom has been fighting cancer since this past spring. After a small scare, she is now one session away from completing her treatment. Fingers crossed and prayers offered that this has worked. I just got back from three days in Chicago and she is looking good - her hair is growing back and she seems confident in her recovery. In addition to my mom, my dad's aunt, who has been growing increasingly weak in her old age, was admitted to the hospital a few weeks ago. She was then sent to hospice; there seems to be nothing left to do and my great uncle, her husband, is also starting to falter (understandably). I'm not terribly affected by it (I don't know them very well, haven't seen them in at least a decade, etc), but it makes my dad so sad that I am very sad about it as well. Around the same time that my great aunt went to hospice, my mom's older brother underwent surgery when doctors found a mass in his colon. It was cancer and pretty well advanced. He went home this past Monday and seemed to be doing well, but was then rushed back to the ER Tuesday night for more surgery. On Wednesday he was transferred to a bigger hospital for more comprehensive care. Unfortunately, his colon has begun to die and he will be sent home with hospice. My uncle is dying. I haven't said that yet, but there it is. No one knows how long it will be, but it is eminent. Of that much, we are sure. The news made for a much quieter Thanksgiving at Grandma and Grandpa's. Not that it was discussed or acknowledged, but just that there was an undercurrent of sadness - you could see it most in my grandma's eyes. And THEN, Friday morning as we are finishing up breakfast, my dad gets a call from his cousin saying his other aunt and uncle are in the hospital - they were in a car accident on Thanksgiving and both broke a leg (my great uncle broke his femur and received nearly immediate surgery and my great aunt broke her leg below the knee - she will have surgery tomorrow). They are both in their late 70s/early 80s. I don't know what the hell G-d is trying to tell me, but I wish He'd find a different way. I also know that I am more than ready for 2006 to end. A lot of great things happened this year, but far more bad ones occurred than I would ever wish on anyone.

Not that it is all bad news. My cousin and his girlfriend seem to have settled well into parenthood and their daughter (who I didn't get to see since she had a cold and stayed with his girlfriend's mom) is doing well. He is also finding success at work and this kid (he's 21, but always a kid to me) who we weren't sure would graduate high school is talking enthusiastically about the certification classes he is taking for his IT job. It is truly awesome to see (and I mean "awesome" in its orginal "full of awe" definition). My other cousin, his sister, is loving her physician's assistant program and continues to amaze me with her passion and commitment. And my sisters are both thriving and doing well. This trip home may have included a lot of serious conversations and tears, but it also included a lot of joy and laughter. And shopping - the girls and I went downtown on Friday (not as crazy as you'd think) and picked up a few gifts (for others and ourselves) before heading to dinner and bowling with Kathryn. It was a fabulous way to end my time in Chicago. I'll be back for Christmas (if not sooner, depending on...things) and I cannot wait. I wasn't sad to come back to DC, but it is always so nice to be...home.

Okay, that should do it for now. It is at times like this that I am thankful for the strength of my family, the love that we all share and the faith that we all have. I know we will get through all of this, but I also know it will not be easy. I suppose I would never expect it to be.

Geography lesson

T, a former student who is now in the 8th grade, stops by every morning for a short chat. Today we were talking about his upcoming Geography project on Mexico. We had the following, mildly hilarious, exchange:

T - I got Mexico and I get to interview my roommate.
Me - ::knowing his roommate and that he is NOT from Mexico:: Why are you interviewing W?
T - Because he is from El Salvador.
Me - What does El Salvador have to do with Mexico?
T - ::in a pretty exasperated tone:: El Salvador is IN Mexico.
Me - No it's not.
T - ::with great certainty:: Yes. It. Is.
Me - ::internally:: It's not, I know it's not. Is it? Remember, you once thought New Hampshire was not a state... Crap. No, El Salvador is its own country. ::externally:: Okay...I think I'll double check though.

A quick Internet search later shows us that El Salvador, as I knew, is its own country in Central America. We checked it out on my Peters World Map and then had a long discussion about which continent Central America is a part of. It was a fun start to my morning, but also made me think "They must be pretty early into that Latin America unit." Let's hope, shall we?

Perspective...

I am shamelessly copying this factoid from my friend Wendy's blog, but the message is strong (and the contexting mine), so read on...

I have been getting pretty excited for the holidays. In 48 hours (!) I will be landing in Chicago for three days of love, laughter and food. Especially food. I know many of you will be in a similar situation: gathered around a table (or tables) somewhere, breaking bread with those you love. And, if your hosts are anything like my grandma (and whose in the midwest isn't?), there will be quite the spread - more than enough, in fact, for those gathered to have seconds, thirds and leftovers to bring home. We are a fortunate group and it is important for us to recognize that.

Consider this (here's my cut from Wendy): "If 20 people sit down at your table, representing the world's population, three would get a gourmet meal, five would get rice and beans, and 12 would receive a small portion of rice."(from OxFam/one.org)

Wendy asked her friends to further imagine that they were one of the 12 and a bratty brother (or sister or cousin or neighbor) was one of the lucky three, flaunting his (or her) good fortune and not sharing. That is the reality for millions of people around the world AND in this very country. So keep that in mind and, as you make your holiday plans, fit in time to give back, in some way (volunteering or donating), in thanks of your good fortune. After all, we have no control over the circumstances into which we are born...

Some places for you to get started: www.one.org; www.oxfamamerica.org; www.careusa.org; www.habitat.org (because we are also blessed with secure housing when others are not). 'Tis the season for giving after all...

I'll get off the soapbox now. :) I hope y'all have a VERY happy Thanksgiving and enjoy!

Lazy...and annoyed

Blogger has this irritating function that erases the entire post if you try to highlight text past the beginning or end of the post. I have lost more than a few posts that way and have rarely come back to repost after that happens. This time I will (mainly b/c I have time to kill)...

I intended to write a "real" post, but then I sat down to do it and was overwhelmed by laziness (or maybe indifference). So, instead I will hit the highlights of the last week and then share a survey that I rather enjoyed (thanks, Jen!).

HIGHLIGHTS

1. I am feeling much better and wanted to say thanks to everyone who called or emailed to check up on me. I appreciated the warm wishes and all that jazz. I am now simply medicating the legitimate cold that I have and after the misery of Monday/Tuesday, this cold doesn't seem too bad.
2. I took a small step towards grown up dating this week when I told a guy I have gone out with a few times that it wasn't going to work for me. It went over pretty well and I'm glad I didn't let it continue on for fear of potential conflict. Granted, I had to run my "message" past a few friends first, but I said from the start this was a small step. Little victories matter too, people!
3. My friends Colleen and Dave are finally going to move into their house in my neighborhood. They closed back in August, but there kept being issues with them actually moving in. They got the call late last week and are going to spend a good portion of this coming week moving their things. I'm looking forward to having them as new neighbors (they'll be about 6 blocks away).
4. My friend Emily had her birthday party last night and it was a lot of fun. I sat on the sofa with a group of friends and chatted the night away. At one point Colleen looked around at our friends, standing and sitting around talking, and said something about how we had turned into an actual "group" of friends and mentioned how nice that feeling was. It's true - there is a core group of us who always go out and who get along really well and I love it. Even though we no longer work together and even though we only see each other every few weeks, we are real friends and that is such a nice feeling. (A sidebar about this party: Emily had told me weeks ago that she wanted me to meet her friend B, that she thought we'd really hit it off. He was at the party last night and just completely not my type. Even Colleen said, "I can't see you ever dating someone like that." Emily asked me to go talk to him, but I didn't and then he left shortly after arriving. I planned on talking to her about it later, but as we left Colleen told her I didn't want to date him...thanks Colleen. It isn't a big deal, but an interesting story, I thought. Funny how even people who know you well can be so off when trying to set you up.)
5. There are many things to look forward to this week: bowling this afternoon with special needs teens; one and a half days of teaching; fall celebration at school; three and a half days in Chicago for Thanksgiving; dinner with Wendy; a whole day just with my sisters; a night out with Kathryn...

SURVEY

You. Can. Only. Type. One. Word.

1. Yourself? classic
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend? non-existent
3. Your hair? dark
4. Your mother? healing
5. Your father? caring
6. Your Favorite Item: treasured
7. Your dream last night: confused
8. Your Favorite drink: water
9. Your Dream Car: reasonable
10. The room you are in: functional
11. Your Ex: missed
12. Your fear: failure
13. What you want to be in 10 years: secure
14. Who you hung out with last night: friends
15. What You're Not? frilly
16. Muffins: pumpkin
17. One of Your Wish List Items: money
18. Time: fleeting
19. The Last Thing You Did: drove
20. What You Are Wearing: comfort
21. Your Favorite Weather: fall
22. Your Favorite Book: changing
23. The Last Thing you Ate: toast
24. Your Life: full
25. Your Mood: expectant
26. Your friends: amazing
27. What are you thinking about right now? words
28. Your car: standard
29. What are you doing at the moment? waiting
30. Your summer: short
31. Your relationship status: single
32. What is on your tv? nothing
33. What is the weather like? crisp
34. When is the last time you laughed? party

SO not a cold

My friend Wendy was right - I do not have a cold (apparently she took some medical courses when getting her linguistics degree...or perhaps she was just better at accepting reality than me this time around). I have a stomach virus, I think. Or the stomach flu...is there a difference? (Clearly having multiple friends who are doctors has not worn off on me.)

I made it through 3 hours of work today. By the end of hour two (and my second seventh grade class), I was quite tired. By the middle of hour three, I was miserable. I lied, told my AP I'd been throwing up and she agreed to get me a sub. Then I did throw up, just barely making it to the bathroom in time. I have been home since 11:30am (again, thank G-d I live so close to work) and have slept for most of that time. I have woken up only to throw up and go back to sleep (nice, huh?). I did force myself to CVS for crackers, applesauce and Gatorade, only to have to drop the basket in the aisle and run outside to throw up in the garbage can. Proof that even big cities have heart? Several people stopped to make sure I was okay. Anyway, that's the update. I hope it runs its course tonight and I can go back to work, but we'll see.

Hope your Monday is going much better.

Dropped shoe

I can stop waiting and wondering when it will happen. It has happened.

I have my first, official cold of the school year. Not the sniffles or a sore throat or a headache, a full-on, full-blown cold. Complete with heat flashes, congestion, coughing, a sore throat and an earache. And overall lethargy. It is not very fun at all. Tonight, instead of the gym, I think I'll be at CVS buying medicine and then in bed, trying to get better. With 7 school days until Thanksgiving Break, work is going to be hard enough without being sick.

Ugh.

Rx

Know what helps on a cold, rainy Sunday that starts with 3.5 (mildly unproductive) hours at work? Getting drunk off practically free Miller Lites at the neighborhood bar with your roommate, renting DVDs and tucking yourself in for more drinks and a lot of "Sex and the City" reruns. PLUS, it is only 8:30pm!

Just what the doctor ordered.

Just take a minute...

This could REALLY be happening...

"Allen to Address Press, May Concede to Webb"

I never thought he'd go so quickly...what great news on such a great day. (The rain is gone, it is sunny and warm here in the nation's capitol - I like to think that G-d is happy too.)

Joy and pain, sunshine and rain

Joy
I think my friend Maggie may have summed it up best when she asked this in an email earlier today: Could it be possible that we took back the house, the senate, and the gubernatorial majority, will have the first female speaker, Donald Rumsfeld's resignation, and defeated the abortion ban all in one 24 hour period? I almost feel like it's all too good to be true.

Nancy Pelosi's "First 100 Hours" are looking to shake out well for Dems, that's for damn sure.

Clearly, I am excited about the results of yesterday's elections. Last night, as I sat in the bar with friends, watching/explaining the results, I was overcome with a sense of joy. When Dennis Hastert gave his awkward acceptance speech to supporters in downstate IL, I was literally laughing out loud. Today, those feelings have only intensified. As I watched President Bush admit to a "thumpin" in the elections during this afternoon's press conference, I had to hide my smile from my AP students. And when a reporter asked the president if he'd support a measure to bring democracy to DC (by giving us voting rights in at least the House) like he had for Iraq, I almost stood up and cheered.

I'm hopeful for Virginia to be called in our favor, even though I know that nothing will be certain there any time soon. I'm excited that Rahm Emanuel (from the great state of Illinois) got some much deserved spotlight last night. I'm looking forward to a change in the debate in this country, even if monumental chages have to wait a while. And I'm losing my mind over the fact that there was over 40% voter turnout yesterday.

Democrats seem to have won last night, which the liberal in me LOVES, but the government teacher in me thinks democracy won as well.

Pain
All is not happy in the world of election results though. Three things make my heart hurt today (literally).

1. The constitutional amendment to ban same sex marriage passed in Wisconsin.
   Call me naive, but I really thought WI stood a chance at becoming the first state to defeat a proposed constitutional ban and begin to turn the tide against this ridiculous trend. My friend Austin called homophobia the last acceptable form of discrimination in our society and I think he's right. The phrases and comments I hear thrown about my 7th-12th grade school tell me that a whole lot of people think it is 100% okay to hate on gay people - that they are different and somehow less deserving of respect. And these amendments justify that type of thinking. Don't waste your breath telling me this is about protecting the sanctity of marriage (hello divorce rate...) or preserving the traditional American family (what IS that anyway?) or that it is about morality (whose morality?!). These amendments legislate lifestlye choices and as someone who teaches students every day that the Constitution is meant to protect individual rights and promote the common good, I just can't abide by that. So, I'll continue to fight against these measures (in WI, MA...wherever they arise) because regardless of my sexuality or the sexuality of my friends/relatives/students, this type of legislation is just plain wrong. (Check out a great perspective on the issue here.)
2. Tammy Duckworth lost in Illinois.
   This is another case of a loss where I just really expected a win. She is a mother AND a veteran who lost her legs in Iraq...how do you NOT vote for her?! Every time I heard her speak or read an interview, I was impressed. She didn't just spew liberal rhetoric and her answers seem to have thought, not flash, behind them. I hear her concession speech was a good one, which I'm glad to hear, I just wish the 1am text from a friend at her party in IL said, "WIN!" not "She lost."
3. DC residents still don't have much ballot power.
   Last night I went to see a politically-themed one-man show with some friends of mine. After the show, we were hanging out at the theater's bar, talking elections with a man from Maryland. When he found out we were all from the District he made a face as if to dismiss our voter status. And my friend Dave said, "So guys, how'd you like voting for City Council?!" and raised his hands in mock excitement. My sister called to remind me to vote and then remembered where I live and said, "Unless you don't have anyone to vote for in which case...sorry." I am hopeful that DC voting rights will become a real discussion this year (there is a possibility of at least one vote in the House, balanced with Utah) and if so, I hope all of you will join in the call for full enfranchisement of all the country's citizens. After all, it's kind of tough to teach DC children that the Revolutionary War was fought over lack of representation in the British legislature when they and their families are facing the same situation right now and no one seems to mind very much at all.

Sunshine
My face is glowing. Has been all day. I just can't help it. In London's Guardian newspaper, commentator Martin Kettle wrote: "The cheering can be heard not just in America itself but around the planet." How can you not see sunshine today?

Rain
Literally. It's raining here. Has been for two days. When I turned off my lights today to use my projector, it felt like nighttime. Gross. Leo has a soccer game Satuday morning, let's hope I'm not cold AND wet.

To add to all this happiness is the fact that I have an actual, no-strings-attached day off on Friday! I'm so excited, I don't know what to do!

T-minus ONE DAY

Tomorrow is Election Day (hopefully, this is not news to any of you) and I just wanted to take a brief moment to remind y'all to get out and vote tomorrow.

I know how easy it is to get swept up in your day and forget, but if we plan now for when we'll go tomorrow it won't be so difficult to make it to the polls. Find out where you are registered to vote and decide NOW when you'll go to vote tomorrow (before/after work, during lunch, etc).

I also know how conveinent it is to tell yourself that this election doesn't matter or that your vote doesn't matter, but let me tell you that neither is true. I just finished a unit with both of my senior classes on voting trends and it was a great moment when each class realized the collective, somewhat untapped electoral power that they have. I know not all of you are in the 18-24 age range (sadly, more and more of us aren't), but all of us belong to demographics that have the power to make a real difference and shrugging off our part in that is irresponsible and just plain wrong. Not to mention the fact that more and more elections are being won by smaller and smaller margins. So, let your voice be heard and vote tomorrow!

Supreme Court Justice Felix Frankfurter once said, "In a democracy, the highest office is the office of citizen." I firmly believe in that statement and, as such, I think it is our most important, official duty to express our opinions and vote tomorrow.

my boys...

I teach Civics to 27 seventh grade boys. 22 were in school today. Six have been assigned in school suspension for tomorrow. In every case, the consequence is for hitting/pushing/fighting. ::sigh:: What do I do with my boys?

Humility

I spent my breakfast reading an old article about 25 beautiful people in DC and left for work thinking I looked pretty good. I'm wearing one of my favorite suit jackets with a teal scoopneck shirt and dress pants. I am wearing my glasses and my hair is behaving and all seemed to be well with the (appearance) world. Then I was making copies for my seventh graders when M stopped in the doorway. He looked at me and promptly told me that I looked sick. ::sound of balloon deflating:: Right. Happy Wednesday, y'all.

Spirit Week

Yesterday marked the start of our homecoming spirit week. Since we don't have a competitive football team, there is no game, no real culmination, but that doesn't stop us from dressing like fools for five days and having a dance Thursday night.

Yesterday was school spirit day and the school bought everyone matching tshirts. It was a little creepy to be in the halls between classes and see EVERYONE in the exact same thing. But, it was a nice idea and now I have yet another school shirt to rock at the gym. Tomorrow is "professional dress" day, which means I can wear parent-teacher conference wear and be okay. Thursday is twin day, which I might pass on - last year the whole SS department went as "twins" (technically, qunituplets), but this year's department doesn't have that same vibe. Friday is class color day and I will rock some combination of green (Seniors) and black/white (7th graders). You may have noticed that I skipped today (Happy Halloween, by the way). That is because today deserves a paragraph all its own.

Today is "'bama day." A 'bama, as far as I can tell is pretty unique to the DC area. Everyone who has lived here long enough simply knows what a 'bama is, but probably can't actually articulate that knowledge. "A 'bama is...you know...a 'bama" is what my kids have told me for the last two years. 'Bama outfits range from crazily mismatched to raggedy and dusty, but what they all have in common is their pure outlandish-ness. Earlier this month, I got a reasonable explanation. As I suspected 'bama is short for Alabama and the idea is that people in that state dress is loud and sometimes clashing colors. So "'bama day" is, in essence, mismatch day. Only for any of you who teach in schools with mismatch day, trust me when I tell you this is mismatch day to the Nth degree. Craziness will reign supreme in school today.

To answer your question, yes I did dress for 'bama day, as hard as it was for me. My whole being shies away from mismatching clothes and I have always had trouble embracing this particular spirit day (regardless of its name). Today I am wearing a navy blue skirt that has light blue and light green circles and dots on it. I am also wearing red loafers and a two-toned pink striped polo shirt. It's not the light up tiara, shorts on top of pants ensemble that another teacher is rocking, but it is the best this Banana Republic girl can do. (Note that I wore flip flops and a jean jacket to school so that when I stopped for treats this morning, I passed as an average young professional. And I have jeans and a black button down in my bag so I can go babysit after work in regular clothes.)

Oh. And Halloween in DC? 75 degrees and sunny. Happy day.

GAH!

I had entered 12 of 25 grade comments when my laptop decided to suddenly reject the pop-up comment screen (which hadn't bothered it in the past) and force me to refresh the gradebook site, thus deleting all aforementioned comments. Sometimes, technology is NOT our friend. Grr...

uhmm...G-d?

People in my family keep breaking...please make it stop. Thank you.

Two-in-One

POST I: Maybe relationships are like pregnancy

You know how most pregnant women do not tell people they are pregnant until they are through the first trimester? I am starting to think that maybe women should treat relationships the same way. Not tell anyone about them until they are through the unstable start-up period. Otherwise, you are left having to explain to a lot of well-meaning people that it "just didn't work out" or something similar and even less convincing. And there are few things worse than reliving your pain/confusion by explaining to your happily coupled friends that "current-crushing-on-guy" is now "no-longer-in-the-picture-guy," especially when the explanation is that he seems to have fallen off the edge of the planet or no longer feels ready to date.

I like to think that I have a pretty good attitude when it comes to being single and dating, but even I have my moments when I start to wonder. Today is one of those moments, I think. I mean really, was I absent from school the day they said this would be so hard? Or gave out the Cliff Notes for dating? B/c I am clearly missing something. ::sigh:: One of my friends once referred to herself as "one date P.." and I am starting to think I should pick up the long forgotten moniker. Seriously.

**************************************************************
POST II: A sorry state of affairs

My friend Jen posted a soliloquy on urban education, talking specifically about her experienc teaching HS in Milwaukee, that I loved. I have struggled for years to put into words what I see and feel and know to be true about my job every day and she managed to convey all of that and the sense of urgency that grows in me each day.

I hope she doesn't mind, but three of her paragraphs really resonated with me and I wanted to share them with more folks, especially with election day right around the corner.

The books and the research about delinquent activity among high school students says that increasing a student's social capital decreases delinquent activity. I know, personally, how valuable mentorship and community programs can be for high school students-- I'm just overwhelmed by the need. I don't have the time or the energy to be that connection or make those connections for all of my students and to also keep coming back every day. I have to make room for myself in here somewhere if I'm going to make it at all.And that's the thing, really. In the school system in which I grew up, there were certainly families and students with serious issues. The majority of families and students, however, were relatively healthy-- so the teachers, support staff, community agencies, churches, etc. could pick up the slack for the few students and families in serious crisis. In this situation, however, this whole community is in crisis-- and it's a serious crisis-- and the future just looks so bleak.

I don't know how to fix this stuff, but I know what we are doing is absolutely not working. Instead of working to increase the numbers of adults in these students' lives, we are cutting teacher positions and increasing class sizes. Instead of creating more ways to increase our students' social capital-- by providing more sports, after school clubs, special interest classes, and family programming; we are stripping budgets of everything but the bare bones of what's being tested to comply with NCLB. And in the meantime, the jails just keep being built and the wars just keep being fought and we wonder why our students don't know how to solve their problems peacefully and feel compelled to pledge allegiance to the gang.

I'm pissed, and I'm frustrated, and I'm disgusted, and I'm just so, so, so terribly, terribly sad. As a society, we are conveniently chosing to look the other way as generations of children are the living victims of poverty, drug abuse, gang violence, and inadequate education. We have our own CHILDREN living in Third World conditions in every major city in this country, and we're fighting terrorism across the world. What about the terror of having old bullet holes in the walls of your house from the most recent driveby in your neighborhood? I have no idea why we are spending so much time worrying about making it more illegal for people to get married and who is going to do what to lower our fuel prices. We are failing as a city, as a state, and as a nation-- and until we get our shit together, not one of us is innocent.

Think about it ladies and gentlemen, because the woman speaks the truth. And not just about Milwaukee - the same is true in cities around the country and something must be done. It may never be enough, but it is also never too late to try. And if we all start somewhere, then we will all start and that's something.

Repetition works

So, in order to teach our students to be better writers and to best prepare them for the standardized test in spring, we have been working with them on using evidence/details in their writing. The basic idea is that they open with their thesis (answering the question in a complete sentence) and then give three details or pieces of evidence that support their answer. They must also explain how each piece of evidence/detail relates to their answer. Then they close with some sort of conclusion.

They work on this in English with open response literature prompts and I use it in Civics with "big questions" from each chapter. Some students are still struggling with the five sentence paragraph format so today for their warm up I asked them to write a five sentence paragraph that explained why this weekend would be fun. Here is B's response:

This weekend will be fun because it is longer. I will be able to do more things with my family because I will be home longer. I could go to Phillips All You Can Eat or IHOP with my family since it is a longer weekend. I could probably go to Six Flags with my family since the weekend is so long. That proves that the weekend will be fun because it is longer.

Clearly, he has gotten the point.

Out of sorts

Three things have me out of sorts today:

1. My second period was AWFUL. Outright-yelling-awful. Calling-all-parents-awful. Completely-and-totally-exhausted-awful.
2. My back is twinging and locking and hurting; must go to the gym after work then.
3. My best friend in kindergarten is now three months pregnant. She is my first friend to have a baby outside of high school. Congratulations, Russ and Nora!

A whole new me

Friday night I went to get my hair cut and colored. I decided to try something completely new, something I'd been thinking about for awhile. I have been digging my long (relatively anyway) hair so I kept that, but in honor of fall and fresh starts and all that good stuff, I went in a whole different direction with my hair color.

At our apartment-wide party Saturday night a few friends didn't even recognize me, but once I re-introduced myself they all lauded the change. Even my kids were supportive, telling me I look great and that I should keep my hair this way. Thank G-d too b/c if they hadn't liked I would have known for sure.

So what does the new me look like? An awful lot like the old me, only with much darker hair. Witness:

50th post: Ode to DC

This is long, but worth reading through to the end (which, btw, could have been written by me to Madison or Chicago, the cities of my youth).

So, to my "new" hometown, a soliloquy from a former resident (posted on CraigsList and sent to me by Elizabeth). I may not live here forever, but I think that when I leave I will feel much the same thing (minus the part of living in the middle of nowhere).

I miss you already, you wonderful, self-important, walkable, sporty, humid, pretentious, kinetic, dazzling, overpriced, overcaffeinated, cobblestoned, self-conscious, self-unaware, popped-collar-sporting, popped-collar-mocking, preppy hipster college town masquerading as the political capital of the world.

I was just 17 when we met. You were my first love, and you stuck with me through thick and thin - the years rat-racing through college, that weird time after college when I worked in a restaurant, the overpaid paralegal job, the misguided semester of law school, and then even when I moved down to Virginia I still visited you every single weekend.

When the plane hit the Pentagon, I watched the smoke from across the river and cried. I thought the scaffolding around the Washington Monument was beautiful. I sat in Einstein's lap. When I was flush I drank at the 18th street lounge, and when I was broke I went across the street to Lucky Bar. I could lie in my bed at night and listen to the monkeys making a racket across the street at the zoo, and wake up on a Saturday and sit in my front yard and smoke a cigar with my best friends and watch your young families and your gorgeous, gorgeous young women strolling by.

Georgetown was the neighborhood I loved to hate, and seedy Adams Morgan at 3 AM on a Saturday was the neighborhood I hated to admit I loved. Afternoons laughing out loud at the human circus in Dupont Circle, then getting my butt kicked at chess by some homeless guy. All those weekends we spent Running Against Bush. Man, that seems like such a long time ago. Hitting up Mount Pleasant for real, authentic Mexican food, or crashing with my Hill friends and waking up early to get breakfast at Eastern Market.

Running on the Mall. Playing Ultimate or soccer or rugby on the Mall. Flying kites on the Mall. Building a snow sculpture of the Capitol, on the Mall. Worshipping in the temples of Lincoln and Roosevelt and most of all, Jefferson. Taking pretty girls for walks on the Mall and ending up on the top deck of the Kennedy Center, looking out at your beautiful lights and wanting it all so badly.

All those mornings for all those years, waking up before daylight to row up and down and up and down and up and down the Potomac. Running from the cops under Key Bridge. Drag racing up Rock Creek Park in the middle of the night, and a thousand other crazy stupid things we did together that in retrospect were idiotic but at the time, just meant being young and being broke and alive and full of ideals and most of all, happy.

And now they've finally taken me away from you, and made me come live in this desolate little town in the middle of nowhere where the highest form of culture is the Barber shop/Tattoo parlor combo, and the nearest movie theater is 40 miles away, and the people weigh too much and talk too slowly and I can't complain any more about strangers in bars always wanting to ask what's your job and what's your politics, 'cause around here, everyone's job is the same and people don't understand why a polite person would want to bring up politics in the first place.

I guess I never really told you how I felt, DC. They say that you don't know what you've got 'till it's gone... only, I guess in our case, you're still there, and I'm the one who's gone, but anyway it works out the same way in the end. But now that I'm gone, I just wanted to tell you hey, thanks for all the memories, all the good times, all the things you taught me about myself and my country and the world. I'll never forget you, the city of my youth. You're beautiful to me. You'll always be my first love.

Simple things

I am in a shockingly good mood this morning, especially considering how little sleep I've gotten this weekend and how packed my day is going to be. And yet, I'm doing well and wanted to share the very simple things that are making me sing along with my radio this morning.

1. Late-night pizza, beer and fun conversation with coworkers on Friday night.
2. Youth soccer at 10a Saturday (complete with some amazing plays by Leo).
3. Quality time with Gus on Saturday, including lunch on the couch and stories before naptime.
4. Great weather (high 50s-mid 60s with lots of sunshine) and a correspondingly great fall outfit (khakis, sneakers, red tank, black zipup, jean jacket, sunglasses) on Saturday.
5. Getting my movies at Blockbuster, even though I didn't have enough cash.
6. New nail polish that I love (Revlon "Really Vintage" - the 2 step, 10 day kind).
7. Three hour phone date with Maggie Saturday night.
8. Tomato soup and grilled cheese (all organic) for dinner Saturday night.
9. Waking up early Sunday morning (7:15a) and being at work by 8:15a.
10. Being halfway through my to do list at 10:30a.

This afternoon I am volunteering at the Dupont Circle Historic House Tour. I grew up going to house tours with my mom and this one benefits the Dupont Circle neighborhood association and their efforts to preserve historic homes. And anything I can do to prevent beautiful, old homes from being replaced by garish condos and McMansions is good for me. Plus, there is a party afterwards for the volunteers. Then drinks at Lucky Bar in Dupont and home for an early bedtime. It's nice to have those days that make you wonder, "What isn't there to be happy about?!"It helps me keep perspective on those days that seem so awful. I know y'all understand.

also...

The weather today is enough to make me walk right out of school and down to the Mall. Thank goodness it is supposed to be this beautiful all weekend.

Rethinking things

Last night I talked on the phone with Wendy for nearly 90 minutes. Granted, she did a lot of the talking (more to share, trust me), but still, it was really fun. Maybe I need to rethink this self-proclaimed aversion to phones.

Last night I also went to a birthday party for a coworker, Andie, in Crystal City. I thought I'd stay an hour at most, ended up staying nearly two hours and had a really good time. Maybe I need to rethink my feeling that I'll never make my own friends out here.

This past weekend I took a road trip with Elizabeth and starting thinking about the tension between being successful in your professional life and being successful in your personal life. Specifically, the balance between the two and how to find it when you're in your mid to late twenties. Can one be happy with only one and not the other? Perhaps and that is a question left to sociologists, biologists and anthropologists. Can I be happy with one and not the other? Now, that is the question of the year, I think. Because, really, I think the answer is no, but then I think that I have been relatively happy for the last few years and that those years have not seen the most success on the personal/relationship side of things. These are not questions with answers, I know, but they are still worth posing (especially to yourself) every once in awhile.

The week has felt exceptionally long. I cannot believe that today is only Thursday and that it is not even 3pm yet. I have so much grading and entering of grades to get done, not to mention lesson planning and such. I think it is going to be a long night. And I think that is okay.

***Note: I need to start saving money for a shopping trip. I have lost over 20 lbs since last fall and most of my clothes looks rather silly on me. This is not a bad thing to have to deal with, but I will need to deal with it soon. Good thing I can be such a capitalist whore!

Short and dirty

The subject refers to the version of my date story that y'all are going to get.

We met for drinks in my neighborhood on Friday night. At 8pm. Only he called at 7:45p to say he'd be 20 minutes late. He got to the bar at a little after 9p (he lives in MD and never comes into "the city"). We had two beers and a lot of awkward conversation, including a prolonged one about his most recent ex and one about how many Indian guys I have dated (he's Indian). When the bartender started asking if I needed anything with a look of concern in his eyes, it was time to go. I gave him (the date, not the bartender) much simpler directions to get back home, thanked him for the beers and walked my happy self home. To close, the answer to his question about my Indian dating history is two and he will not be making it three. Luckily, though, he seems to have gotten this message on his own as he has not called, emailed or tried to message me since. Anyway, it was worth a shot.

Back to the bench.

Now here's some news...

I have a date tonight. Weird. I'll let you know all about it later.

BUT...

Work is hard, BUT...

• It turns out I'm pretty good at what I do. My observation yesterday morning yielded positive results - students were off task less than 20% of the time and when given a prompt or direction to correct behaviors, they were 90% compliant with my request. So, even though it sometimes feels like I have no control, apparently I do. As much as I am NOT a math person, I am a data person and, in that respect, numbers are great.
  
• I love my students. Today, after Government, JH wandered to my desk instead of booking it to lunch as usual. I looked up from my computer and he handed me a large envelope. "What is this?" I asked. "My senior proofs," he replied, smiling. Inside were proofs from his three outift (tux, grad gown, casual) photo session that he just wanted to show me. I oohed and ahhed over them, made fun of how big the graduation gown made him look (it was WAY too big) and asked him which was his favorite. Then I sent him on his way to lunch. It was just one of those little moments that make it worthwhile.

It's only Wednesday, BUT...

• I have exciting plans for the weekend. Well, exciting to me anyway.
• Wednesday is now half over.

Maggie's mom is still sick, BUT...

• The doctors determined that her heart is healthy.
• Major surgery has been avoided, even if only for now.

Winter break is a long way off, BUT...

• I bought my tickets on Monday.
• I am already looking forward to seeing people.
• So many get-togethers must be planned. (I will be in Chicago 12/20-12/27)

Update

First and foremost, I have to send a shout out to my roommate, who turns 25 today. Happy birthday, Elizabeth! You are a remarkable woman and I hope that this is a remarkable year. Love ya.

Keeping with the shout out theme, one is in order for my friends Dave and Gwen who got engaged over the weekend. Congratulations, Dave and Gwen! I cannot wait for the wedding and I know that this is only the start of much happiness for the both of you. (PS: Gorgeous ring and great announcement. Seriously.)

Other updates:

• Elizabeth's party was Saturday night. A good, old-fashioned keg party was the order of the night and it was a lot of fun. More so, frankly, than I thought it would be. There were enough people, but not too many. There was flip cup on a specially crafted wooden table (supported by trash cans b/c we're not that classy). There was cheap booze in plastic cups. There was music and dancing (although not, apparently, enough) and conversation. And, of course, some pretty amusing moments and great one liners. I'd share them here, but there are too many and, to be honest, I don't remember all of them that well. I do remember this, said to me by one woman's girlfriend after I killed a spider on the porch so the woman would stop freaking out, "You are her hero. If you liked women, I'd be pretty annoyed right now." And the benefit of keg parties at age 26? Lots of cheap beer over the course of many hours (in this case, 5) means no pain the next day. Sweet.
• Work is hard right now. I'm really tired and sort of unmotivated and the kids have seriously lost their minds. My first and seventh periods pretty much guarantee that I start and end the day on a rough note and that's just no way to live. Yesterday, seventh period was so bad that I passed on yoga and the gym and went home to do laundry and drink beer. I was in that place.
• My friend Maggie's mom is having serious surgery today and, depending on what they find, may have even more serious surgery to come so please send positive thoughts out into the universe on her behalf.
• Speaking of moms, mine is doing well. She is on round two of chemo and feeling better than she did during round one. I mean, she still has cancer and is still rundown and not working, but her mood is up and everyone is staying positive. I know I don't say much about it (mainly b/c, at a certain point, there isn't much to say), but thanks to all of you who check in and let me know you're thinking about/praying for/sending positive vibes to me and my family.

I think that's all for now. Have a good one!

It's official

I am the coolest girl I know.

Today I checked my mailbox at school and I had received a 958 page catalog of AV resources. Nine hundred and fifty eight pages. AV resources.

It's okay, you can admit it, I'm the coolest girl you know too.

In other news, it's raining here which works b/c I feel like I'm going to be at work forever (mid quarter grades are due tomorrow and I have pre assessment writing responses to score). Oh well.

Not alone

Fun fact for your Monday:

Who do people talk to the most? Themselves.

Glad to know I am not alone on that one. (Also, is the grammar on this correct? It sounds off, but I couldn't figure it out.)

20 questions

1. Your name
   Jessica
2. Your 3 favorite songs
   What a Wonderful World, Louis Armstrong
   Time of Your Life, Green Day
   G-d Bless the Broken Road, Rascal Flatts
3. Your favorite movie
   National Treasure
4. Your favorite color
   Orange
5. Shower in the morning or at night?
   Morning
6. How many languages do you speak? (list)
   One - English (I know, I'm lame)
7. Your major (if you went to college)
   Elementary education & history
8. Do you spend more time on your feet or butt?
   Feet
9. Last concert you went to
   some local reggae group
10. Last movie you saw in the theater
    Catch the Fire
11. How many times have you tripped over yourself while walking in the past week?
    Countless
12. Was anyone watching?
    Usually
13. Can you roll your tongue?
    Yes
14. Left or Right-handed?
    Right
15. How many rolls of toilet paper are presently at your place (approx. #)
    Four
16. Are you a keen observer and good at math?
    I am very observant, but not so good at math
17. Brief description of your most or last embarrassing moment
    Thursday: walking from community meeting to class with my 21 seventh grade boys behind me. I am instructing two seventh grade boys from another class to stay in line and stay to the right hand side. Turning at the landing to take the second set of stairs down from the gym, I get my left heel caught in the cuff of my right pant leg and barely manage to catch myself on the railing. Had I not done so, I surely would have tumbled down the stairs. Even still, I managed to look quite ridiculous in front of approximately 25 adolescent males. Neat.
18. What did you do yesterday?
    Babysat Daphne and Leo. Watched Wisconsin lose to Michigan. Drank Miller High Life. Flirted with a cute guy. Caught up with a newly old ASM-er. Shopped at the organic market. Ate pizza. Talked to Maggie. Talked to Austin. Watched Failure to Launch. Graded papers.
19. What did you have for breakfast?
    Kashi cereal, oj
20. What are you avoiding right now?
    Curriculum maps

Symphony of sorts

This morning I gave a quest (shorter than a test, longer than a quiz) to my seventh grade boys. In second period, this was no big thing b/c I only have ten of them and two were absent so I was able to spread them out all over the place. In first period, we were looking at much closer quarters as I have 21 students, 21 desks and not a lot of extra space. Our principal helped get them settled and started quickly and our behavior specialist swung by to check on things, so they were actually really quiet, which for them is highly unusual. The only sounds were those of pens and pencils on paper, deep thinking (for younger students this is an active and sometimes audible process) and that tell tale sound of fall: sniffling and coughing. Seriously, not to be gross, but there was so much snot going on in first period that I was getting legitimately grossed out. At one point I had to make them all stop what they were doing so I could address the noises. I cannot do them justice in words, but I think most of you can imagine. Ew.

Now my seniors are finishing an essay exam (and thinking evil things about me, I'm sure) and then I'll do a class on McCulloch v. Maryland with my AP kids and I'll be done for the day. It's our first half day, which means our first round of interim assessment grading. Our students are tested every four weeks in the same way that they would be tested for the annual standardized exam. We then meet as faculty teams to score their written responses and identify areas that need work. Then we focus on those areas until the next assessment. It's actually a great process with a lot of merits, but the first assessment scoring is always a little depressing, at least for the seventh graders.

Random things:

1. Tomorrow UW plays Michigan! I'm going to watch the game at our local alumni bar, although I'll get there late b/c I'm babysitting until 12:30pm.
2. I got a new toy at work - a Dell Inspiron 640m. It's very new and small and wonderful. It means I can work from home and that I can connect to my new ceiling-mounted projector and to my smartboard. Plus it looks cool. I'm so technological now, it's awesome.
3. Fall starts tomorrow. In DC that means it will be 84 degrees and humid. I have to take Leo, one of the kids I now babysit on Saturdays (he has a younger brother and sister), to soccer practice. It will be fun, but hot. Oh well.
4. Happy birthday, Jeff! Happy birthday, Angela! For very different reasons, you are both amazing people using your talents to change this world for the better and I, for one, appreciate you. I hope you live it up tonight!
5. My friend Laina reminded me that it is Rosh Hashanah tonight. I had completely forgotten. Like I wasn't a bad enough Jew to being with. Not having a real planner is no good. Anyway. L'shanah tovah, everyone! May this new year be filled with peace, happiness and success.

Smile.

Three seventh grade girls are eating lunch in my room right now. They just had this conversation:

K: Are y'all going to go here through 12th grade?
Y & T: Yep.
Y: Wouldn't it be tight if we all went to the same college?
K & T: Yup.
K: I'd be all like, "Hey, T"
T: And I'd be, "Hey, K"
Y: No, but I am going to the University of Maryland.
T: I am going to UCLA or Stanford.
K: I want to go to Harvard.

Yes, ladies and gentleman, this is why I do what I do where I do it.

uh. oh.

I am so not in the head space needed to teach right now. Which is problematic given that I must be at our community meeting in less than 20 minutes and begin teaching 15 minutes after that. I think it may end up being a long day.

Stupid.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Every time I get excited about the possibility of dating someone, the door gets slammed in my face. Hard. Well folks, me and my face are just about through. Seriously.

Witness: after a few fantastic email exchanges, new guy and I make plans to meet for coffee Sunday afternoon. He is to choose the location and call me Friday night since I do not have Internet at home (I am very clear on this). As of 9pm SATURDAY, I am going a little crazy since I have not heard from him. So, to quell the mocking voices in my head ("I told you so..." etc), I DRIVE TO WORK to check my email. And I find this message, sent at 1pm today:

I thought I was ready to start dating again, but it's becoming increasingly clear that I'm really not. Consequently, I should end this now rather than later. Sorry.

Anyone know what I'm supposed to think of all this? Because at this point, I'm out of ideas. Clearly I am to remain on the bench b/c whoever is coaching this game (and it is so obviously NOT me) does not think I am ready to play.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

From the mouths of babes (& other things)

I realize it has been awhile since I told a story about my hilarious students, so let me share with you this moment from my second period class (10 seventh grade boys).

Me: So A, now write your sentence using the word "consent."
A: ::about to write a sentence where I am the subject:: Are you married?
Me: No, it's M-S not M-R-S
TZ: Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: No
TV: You should be dating.
Me: Pardon?
TV: I don't mean to get in your personal life, but you should get into the dating world.
Me: ::stunned::
G: You should date Mr. Stevens (my department chair)!
Me: He is married, but thanks for thinking of me.
G: What about Mr. PJ (our behavior specialist whose last name is challenging)?
Me: Married. But again, thanks.
TV: Well, just don't meet anyone from the Internet.
TZ: Yeah, girls from Blackplanet are getting kidnapped and raped.
Me: That's why it is important to not talk with people you don't know and to never agree to meet someone.
TZ: I know. I don't talk to anyone other than my friends.
Me: That's very smart.
TV: If you do decide to date someone from the Internet, you should take karate first. Be able to protect yourself...just in case.
Me: I will keep that in mind. Thanks so much, guys. Now, today we are going to talk about forms of government...

Interestingly enough, I do indeed have a date this weekend. With someone I met on the Internet. I am pretty certain he's not going to kidnap me, but I guess if I disappear, you heard it here first. He's a clerk for a federal judge, 29, originally from Oregon, but went to law school here. He's tall and smart and funny and into a lot of the same geeky things that I'm into, so I am cautiously optimistic. We're getting coffee on Sunday - I'm going to a movie at 5pm so he suggested 2pm saying "I doubt we will run out of things to talk about." How can I not be hopeful?! I'll keep you posted.

In other news, this week marked the 10 year anniversary of Tupac's death, which was rather unsettling on several levels. I watched the BET special on his legacy while at the gym on Wednesday night and was reminded of how much I love and appreciate his music. I have lost most of his CDs in my moves, but need to prioritize those as upcoming purchases. Seriously.

I've been going to the gym a lot lately and trying to be smarter about the food I'm eating. Sadly, this means I'm going to have to pony up and start making lunches for school again. Lunch this week has been, per usual, a rotation of fried foods, salted foods and sweetened foods - none of which I should be eating. I worry about the health of our kids sometimes...a lot of the times, actually.

Finally, last night I went to the US premiere of Catch a Fire. The film stars Tim Robbins, Derek Luke and a number of South African actors and tells the story of a South African man in 1980 who is forced by the apartheid system into becoming a member of the ANC and organizing an attack against the powers that were. It is not only a moving portrayal of life under apartheid, but it is also a compelling study in humanity - why we do what we do and how we move past our mistakes and forgive. I highly recommend seeing it, if you get the chance.