Cleaning house

I'm at work and have a small "to do" list in front of me, but I need to silence the voices in my head first. And the best way to do that is to get my thoughts out of my head and out here. Or, at least, that usually works.

I used my last journal as a space to share everything and that backfired on me. I have avoided using this journal to share information about my family out of fear that the same thing would happen and out of respect ofr my family members' privacy, but I have to get this out and trust that y'all will not abuse the information.

A few weeks ago I posted a short note to G-d, asking Him to please heal my family. My family unit continues to be strong and well, but its indivdual members keep falling ill. As most of you know, my mom has been fighting cancer since this past spring. After a small scare, she is now one session away from completing her treatment. Fingers crossed and prayers offered that this has worked. I just got back from three days in Chicago and she is looking good - her hair is growing back and she seems confident in her recovery. In addition to my mom, my dad's aunt, who has been growing increasingly weak in her old age, was admitted to the hospital a few weeks ago. She was then sent to hospice; there seems to be nothing left to do and my great uncle, her husband, is also starting to falter (understandably). I'm not terribly affected by it (I don't know them very well, haven't seen them in at least a decade, etc), but it makes my dad so sad that I am very sad about it as well. Around the same time that my great aunt went to hospice, my mom's older brother underwent surgery when doctors found a mass in his colon. It was cancer and pretty well advanced. He went home this past Monday and seemed to be doing well, but was then rushed back to the ER Tuesday night for more surgery. On Wednesday he was transferred to a bigger hospital for more comprehensive care. Unfortunately, his colon has begun to die and he will be sent home with hospice. My uncle is dying. I haven't said that yet, but there it is. No one knows how long it will be, but it is eminent. Of that much, we are sure. The news made for a much quieter Thanksgiving at Grandma and Grandpa's. Not that it was discussed or acknowledged, but just that there was an undercurrent of sadness - you could see it most in my grandma's eyes. And THEN, Friday morning as we are finishing up breakfast, my dad gets a call from his cousin saying his other aunt and uncle are in the hospital - they were in a car accident on Thanksgiving and both broke a leg (my great uncle broke his femur and received nearly immediate surgery and my great aunt broke her leg below the knee - she will have surgery tomorrow). They are both in their late 70s/early 80s. I don't know what the hell G-d is trying to tell me, but I wish He'd find a different way. I also know that I am more than ready for 2006 to end. A lot of great things happened this year, but far more bad ones occurred than I would ever wish on anyone.

Not that it is all bad news. My cousin and his girlfriend seem to have settled well into parenthood and their daughter (who I didn't get to see since she had a cold and stayed with his girlfriend's mom) is doing well. He is also finding success at work and this kid (he's 21, but always a kid to me) who we weren't sure would graduate high school is talking enthusiastically about the certification classes he is taking for his IT job. It is truly awesome to see (and I mean "awesome" in its orginal "full of awe" definition). My other cousin, his sister, is loving her physician's assistant program and continues to amaze me with her passion and commitment. And my sisters are both thriving and doing well. This trip home may have included a lot of serious conversations and tears, but it also included a lot of joy and laughter. And shopping - the girls and I went downtown on Friday (not as crazy as you'd think) and picked up a few gifts (for others and ourselves) before heading to dinner and bowling with Kathryn. It was a fabulous way to end my time in Chicago. I'll be back for Christmas (if not sooner, depending on...things) and I cannot wait. I wasn't sad to come back to DC, but it is always so nice to be...home.

Okay, that should do it for now. It is at times like this that I am thankful for the strength of my family, the love that we all share and the faith that we all have. I know we will get through all of this, but I also know it will not be easy. I suppose I would never expect it to be.