Two-in-One

POST I: Maybe relationships are like pregnancy

You know how most pregnant women do not tell people they are pregnant until they are through the first trimester? I am starting to think that maybe women should treat relationships the same way. Not tell anyone about them until they are through the unstable start-up period. Otherwise, you are left having to explain to a lot of well-meaning people that it "just didn't work out" or something similar and even less convincing. And there are few things worse than reliving your pain/confusion by explaining to your happily coupled friends that "current-crushing-on-guy" is now "no-longer-in-the-picture-guy," especially when the explanation is that he seems to have fallen off the edge of the planet or no longer feels ready to date.

I like to think that I have a pretty good attitude when it comes to being single and dating, but even I have my moments when I start to wonder. Today is one of those moments, I think. I mean really, was I absent from school the day they said this would be so hard? Or gave out the Cliff Notes for dating? B/c I am clearly missing something. ::sigh:: One of my friends once referred to herself as "one date P.." and I am starting to think I should pick up the long forgotten moniker. Seriously.

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POST II: A sorry state of affairs

My friend Jen posted a soliloquy on urban education, talking specifically about her experienc teaching HS in Milwaukee, that I loved. I have struggled for years to put into words what I see and feel and know to be true about my job every day and she managed to convey all of that and the sense of urgency that grows in me each day.

I hope she doesn't mind, but three of her paragraphs really resonated with me and I wanted to share them with more folks, especially with election day right around the corner.

The books and the research about delinquent activity among high school students says that increasing a student's social capital decreases delinquent activity. I know, personally, how valuable mentorship and community programs can be for high school students-- I'm just overwhelmed by the need. I don't have the time or the energy to be that connection or make those connections for all of my students and to also keep coming back every day. I have to make room for myself in here somewhere if I'm going to make it at all.And that's the thing, really. In the school system in which I grew up, there were certainly families and students with serious issues. The majority of families and students, however, were relatively healthy-- so the teachers, support staff, community agencies, churches, etc. could pick up the slack for the few students and families in serious crisis. In this situation, however, this whole community is in crisis-- and it's a serious crisis-- and the future just looks so bleak.

I don't know how to fix this stuff, but I know what we are doing is absolutely not working. Instead of working to increase the numbers of adults in these students' lives, we are cutting teacher positions and increasing class sizes. Instead of creating more ways to increase our students' social capital-- by providing more sports, after school clubs, special interest classes, and family programming; we are stripping budgets of everything but the bare bones of what's being tested to comply with NCLB. And in the meantime, the jails just keep being built and the wars just keep being fought and we wonder why our students don't know how to solve their problems peacefully and feel compelled to pledge allegiance to the gang.

I'm pissed, and I'm frustrated, and I'm disgusted, and I'm just so, so, so terribly, terribly sad. As a society, we are conveniently chosing to look the other way as generations of children are the living victims of poverty, drug abuse, gang violence, and inadequate education. We have our own CHILDREN living in Third World conditions in every major city in this country, and we're fighting terrorism across the world. What about the terror of having old bullet holes in the walls of your house from the most recent driveby in your neighborhood? I have no idea why we are spending so much time worrying about making it more illegal for people to get married and who is going to do what to lower our fuel prices. We are failing as a city, as a state, and as a nation-- and until we get our shit together, not one of us is innocent.

Think about it ladies and gentlemen, because the woman speaks the truth. And not just about Milwaukee - the same is true in cities around the country and something must be done. It may never be enough, but it is also never too late to try. And if we all start somewhere, then we will all start and that's something.