A list to end 2006!

Since this is most likely the last post I will make in 2006, I thought it best to end with a list...since I love them so. Although, I should warn you, this list has absolutely nothing to do with the ending of 2006 or the beginning of 2007. So, let's get on with it.

1. Today I talked for four hours with a guy I met recently. Me! Four hours! I could hardly believe it myself. Still can't (clearly, since it warranted first mention on this list).
2. Is it wrong that I don't even consider dating a person named Jesse? I have a profile on a free dating site and I checked it today (for the first time months, thank you very much) and a guy named Jesse had sent me a message. And I probably won't even respond. I mean really...Jess and Jesse? Even I want to make fun of us!
3. I'm going to spend at least part of New Year's Day at work. I'm a little bummed by this, but I have to lessons planned for this week or the week will be even more miserable than I suspect it is going to be.
4. Grocery shopping for the first time in nearly six weeks is a lot of fun. Doing it on New Year's eve? Slightly less fun. But (!) I did get caught up on all the cheesy end-of-the-year celebrity gossip as I waited in the check out line (for nearly 20 minutes!). And nearly died trying not to laugh when the guy behind me looked at my food on the conveyer belt and said, "::pause:: Your food is in categories. ::pause:: That's a lot of cheese." One, yes, I categorize my food on the belt - makes it easier for whoever is bagging to do so. And makes unpacking at home easier too. And two, yes, I did buy a lot of cheese. Can't help it, I like cheese.
5. My roommate left for Madison on Thursday and put a time release food pellet into her fish's bowl before she left. She also asked me to check in on the fish now and again - make sure the fish has food, etc. I am now terrified this fish is going to die on me. I check on it all of the time! (I don't feed it all of the time though, that'd be bad.) We just have to get through one more day...our interactions go something like this: Me "Hey fish, how's it going?" Fish ::glub glub:: Me "Good, good. Now don't die on me today, alright?" Fish ::glub glub:: I tell myself the second response is in the affirmative.
6. Yes, I know, I'm more than a little nuts.
7. I'm going to a small party tonight at a former coworkers. Eight to ten single folks who didn't want to worry about where to go, what to wear and who to kiss at midnight. We're having soul food (b/c someone wanted us to have black eyed peas - they bring good luck in the new year) and I was assigned to bring the greens. Yes, me. Collard greens. Uhm...right. Hi, white girl from the north, in case nobody's looked in awhile. White girl from the north who doesn't eat pork. Know what gives collard greens their taste? That'd be hamhock. Hell, I don't even know what hamhock is, let alone where to get it or what to do with it when I did. Luckily, said guy I was talking with today found me a vegetarian recipe. I hope no one minds that they are eating pork-free greens! At least there will be plenty of other food...and lots of booze!
8. Friday I needed to get out of the house so I went in search of the discount linen store my mom talks about - supposedly they have a branch out here. It was awesome. I got four pillows and a bedskirt (I have been looking for a cream/ivory bedskirt since August) for $35! Then I bought myself new sneakers a Payless - they're Champions and make me happy b/c they look like soccer shoes. Then I got a pedicure b/c my feet really needed it and I was already wearing flip flops. Oh, and I got stuff at the dollar store to replenish my prize box at school (lots of playing cards and art supplies - boys are harder to buy for). It was a good day.
9. Crap. I may never make it to ten. But I can't leave this at a random number like eight. (And yes, I know that was totally cheating, but we all have our compulsions.)
10. Oh! Today someone shared with me this quote by Nietzsche (I'm pretty sure that is spelled completely wrong) and I really liked it. It has nothing to do with anything, but it reminds me of a lot of people I have known, myself included. I mean, really, why do human beings have such a hard time just being nice or accepting a compliment or whatever? Anyway, he said:

    "There are occurrences of such a delicate nature that one does well to cover
    them up with some rudeness to conceal them; there are actions of love and
    extravagant generosity after which nothing is more advisable than to take a
    stick and give any eyewitness a sound thrashing: that would muddle his memory."

Okay, so with those completely random thoughts I bid y'all are fond farewell. I'll talk to you in 2007! Oh, and...HAPPY NEW YEAR!

strange

I just finished reading Ines Of My Soul, the latest book by Isabel Allende and thought it would be good to get out of the house (having only left for a few hours this morning to grade at the coffee shop). I figured I would go see a movie, as I love seeing movies alone - I consider it a real treat to sit quietly, eat popcorn and allow myself to be completely engrossed in the action/drama/jokes/etc. But when I got to listings online I discovered that, although there are several movies out that I would like to see, I have no motivation to see any of them tonight. Alone. Strange how that works sometimes.

So since I'm not headed out to the cinema, I may as well give a quick recap of my adventures in the Midwest.

Going home is always such a mixture of emotions. From the moment I land in Chicago to the moment I land in DC I am filled with otherwise conflicting emotions that seem content to coexist within me, much to the distress of my mind. How can one person be so happy in one place and yet so hesitant to return? How can one feel so much love and understanding and yet, at the same time, like an outsider? It is a paradox of emotions that I suspect I will feel each time I return and it is not one I regret, but something that makes me wonder about the workings of our minds and hearts. It is these types of incongruencies that I love in people.

I got to spend one whole day with my mom, which I loved. Her hair is growing back after her chemo and to all others she appears to be another older woman with a short and sassy cut (especially wearing the new silver hoops my dad bought her). She went without her wig the whole time we were at the mall and even though she sometimes slipped on her knit cap, I was so proud of her. And I don't mean that in a condescending way - I have always admired my mom, but this past year has shown me just how strong and brave and amazing she really is.

I also got to go out to dinner with just my parents. It is not often that we get to do this even though it is those moments I most appreciate. Just sitting and talking and joking and enjoying great food (in this case, pretty damn fine barbeque for the north side of Chicago) - it's how I wish I could spend all of my nights and what I miss most about not living with/near my family. Plus, my parents have been married for 30 years and their love is still palpable to those around them. Even though I sometimes want to smack my dad for not letting my mom do anything for herself (and my mom for letting him do it) and my mom's moodiness makes me want to shake even as my dad goes on unaffected, they clearly are each other's everything and I think I am pretty lucky to have parents who have always been that way.

Christmas with the grandparents was just as strange as Thanksgiving. My grandma is truly beside herself trying to deal with my mom's and now my uncle's cancer. It was a quieter, smaller Christmas, but still a great one. Having my (second) cousin Brianna there brought a lot of laughter to the gathering (she's a born entertainer, I think). My uncle stopped by as we were finishing dinner (called lunch by you "city folk") and the sight of him literally made me stop in my tracks. I mean, this man has always been larger than life to me. Both literally (he's well over 6 feet and has always been big) and figuratively (his laughter and voice would not be mislabelled as "booming"). And there he was, surgical mask in place to protect him from any germs, still tall, but shrunken and whispery. My mom had warned me saying, "it is truly just a matter of time," but I still didn't expect it. He sat in the den with my mom, my dad, my other uncle, my aunts and my grandparents - the first time my mom has seen him since he was diagnosed. There is, as always, some drama surrounding all of this (people act in unimaginable ways when grieving), but overall I am glad we got to see him. The whole day was surreal, but not bad - I talked more with my grandpa than I ever have in my life, my cousin and his girlfriend are patient and loving parents to a wonderful little girl and the faith and love of my family is truly amazing.

My favorite family moment came on Christmas Eve. After Mass (which was awesome, aside from the giggling, ridiculous teenaged boys behind us) and dinner, my parents, sisters and I sat in the living room and took turns opening our gifts. It took about two hours, not becuase there were so many gifts, but because we kept stopping to tease and laugh and tell stories. I have said it again and again, but I am blessed to have been born into my family.

But my week in the Midwest wasn't all about family and Christmas. I also spent three days in Madison, visiting with old friends. Madison has changed a lot and it was weird to be there. On Friday night I walked around the downtown/campus area and was struck by a sense of melancholy. Perhaps it was nostalgia. It wasn't because so much has changed, but because, even if it hadn't - even if everything had been just as it was when I left Madison in 2003 - it still wouldn't have been what it once was. Contrary to what the song says, sometimes you can't go back. Not that that is always a bad thing. I love Madison for what it was, but I wouldn't want to go back there. Not now. And I had so much fun while I was there last week. Coffee with Alison at Sunroom, lunch and shopping with Maggie and Steph on the east side of town, lunch and shopping with Cole and Karen and Marcia on State Street - it was full of laughter and food and gossip and memories and happiness. I'd be lying to say I don't miss my friends and the ease of our get togethers something awful when I am back home in DC. (In fact, the best moment may have been just sitting in the Union with Cole, Karen and Marcia talking about everything and nothing until we noticed how much time had gone by and had to part ways.)

I also got together with some high school friends. I hasd Mexcian food and margaritas with Kara, Katie and their significant others one afternoon. We shared stories (old - those poor boys have heard the same stories from Hurely, VA a million times over - and new) and drank and were served by the same woman who has been our waitress at that restaurant since we were high schoolers who couldn't order anything more exciting than a virgin daiquiri with our burritos!

I also went for Korean bbq with Mijin, Wendy, Noah and Zo (and Yasmin and Joe, who I didn't know as well) and then we met Brandon, Shruti and Nilay for drinks. These get togethers are always so different from my Wisconsin ones and yet still so much fun. When I think of all the years Mijin, Wendy and I have spent laughing at those boys.... They did not disappoint this time either. One day, some women are going to be awfully lucky to land those guys (and the guys? they'll be shocked at their good fortune, of course). Wendy and Mijin continue to be the irrepressible, hilarious and compassionate people I befriended in high school. I don't know when I last laughed so hard or felt so at ease (other than the few days prior, when I'd been in WI). Jo and I, who have now been friends for nearly half our lives (think about that!), met for lunch on my last day in Chicago. Many things have changed for both of us and our friendship is nothing like it once was, but it is still strong and good and it was so nice to sit at the lunch counter on Cicero and chat about our lives and our families, just like always.

This post clearly took on a life of its own and I find myself ending in a much different place than I imagined. Not a bad place though - I hope you agree. And I hope that your holidays were also filled with love and laughter and good food and great memories!

Back in DC

A real post is coming soon, but I wanted to let you know that new photos have been posted on my Facebook page HERE and HERE. There are more to be added from my last night in Chicago, but those will have to wait until I get back from the doctor.

Obligatory

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

I hope that your day is full of laughter and love and family and joy. And if you don't celebrate the holiday, then I hope your day is full of relaxation and that you take full advantage of a day where many others are not out and about. ENJOY!

Ha!

Thanks, Jen!

Joy to the world,
The Jess is come.

Joy To The World
from the Christmas Song Generator.

http://thesurrealist.co.uk/christmas.php" method="get">Get your own song :

Lacking fluidity, not substance

It is 10:37pm Sunday, but I can’t seem to access the Internet so I will write now and, perhaps, post later.

My dad’s Aunt Jeannie died this morning. She was very old and had been fading for some time now. Fading. What a silly euphemism. Like she was a photograph left out in the sun for too long, as opposed to a vibrant and wonderful woman. Strange, the things we say to avoid saying the truth. She had been dying for months, maybe even longer. She was placed in hospice care nearly two months ago and we all knew that it was only a matter of time. And yet, still, when my dad told me the news tonight I found myself in complete shock. I mean, one minute I am beaming and laughing with my roommate and the next minute I am seeking out a place in the movie theater lobby into which I can tuck myself. I’m not even sad. Not really. Not about her death. I didn't know her well. She was very old. I am saddened by the news, but not actively sad. I think that makes sense.

What I am sad about is this: I’m sad that my family isn’t closer (more tight-knit, not closer geographically...although that too, I guess). I’m sad that I haven’t seen my cousins’ children in over a year, that the extended families (on both sides) don’t get together more, that I live so far away.

An old friend visited a few weeks back and he asked me if I was planning on staying in DC. The answer is yes. I am happy here. It took me awhile to accept that, but it is the truth. (One of the nice things about getting older is that I am accepting many truths about myself.) But, like so many things in life, the truth is also more complicated than that. The reality of it, in all of the shades of gray, is that I have a hard time reconciling the life I lead now with the life I thought I would be leading. I never in a million years thought I would really leave the Midwest. I never imagined living 800 miles from my family and closest friends. I never really thought I'd still be single at 26 (and seriously, by now I'm an expert single person). And yet here I am - all of those things and still happy int his life that sometimes seems so "wrong." It is a bizarre feeling – one that often leaves me feeling more than a little unsettled.

My dad’s phone call this evening stirred all of this up and as Elizabeth and I walked along the Potomac and back to the car (we saw a movie in Georgetown), I found myself unable to stop talking – even though I wasn’t making much sense. A similar sense of urgency compelled me to write this entry. It isn’t fluid and the thoughts aren’t followed through to completion (much like y writing in high school, if my teachers' comments are to be believed), but it’s where I’m at right now. No worries, it is not a bad place. In fact, I think it is a pretty familiar place for most people my age. One day I’ll look back on this and shake my head at my silly insecurities and naïve plans (after all, “man plans, G-d laughs”), but for now they are real and exist right alongside my contentment and confidence. Funny how that works.

Oh happy day!

School's out for winter (break)! I cannot believe that it is already the middle of December. I cannot believe that I am off of work for the next two weeks. I cannot believe that I leave for Chicago in approximately 4 days. I cannot believe I will be in Madison in 5 or 6 days. I am truly in shock. Overwhelmingly pleasant shock, to be sure, but shock all the same.

My last day was good - lots of hugs and laughter and some serious moments. I brought candy canes for my seventh graders and cupcakes for my seniors and all of my classes earned a movie day by having a week of excellent behavior and work (okay, Monday was crap, but the rest of the days were fabulous and they were (and I quote) "AMAZING" (empahsis hers) for my substitute yesterday). So, I ate a bunch of garbage and watched the first 40 minutes of XMen (2x), XMen United and Lilo & Stitch during class today. But I also patrolled the hallways like nobody's business, gave my first period a stern talking to about eye contact and active listening.

Yesterday I was in a day-long training on how to be a behavior management coach. It was a great training, with 6 or 7 other teachers from the school, but early on there was a misunderstanding between 2 of the participants that ended with one crying and both apologizing and being more than a little emotional (in my opinion). Then a third person got involved and there were more tears. Only one of the coaches in training is a man and this afternoon he came into my room and said, "How to phrase this? ... I don't know, so I hope you aren't offended. You know, when that all went down yesterday I immediately looked for another man to make eye contact with and realized I was the only guy. And THEN I realized that I should be looking for you only you wer sitting behind me!" I laughed and was not offended at all. It's completely true. I am a girl and a woman in a million ways, but I am most certainly like a guy in this: I emote like a man. Which is to say, I really don't. It was actually kind of cool that he got that.

In the final stages of planning my trip back to the Midwest. No wedding to attend means less people will be seen (sad) and more plans must be coordinated (no lie, I kind of dig this part). I am beyond excited to hang out with Maggie and Stephanie and Cole and Karen and Marcia. And I'm looking forward to being in Madison again - I imagine it will look very different (again). I'm also hoping for a post-Christmas WY reunion of sorts, but, as usual, have put that on Wendy to plan (thanks, chica!). AND (!) this winter, Kara, Katie and I will all be in Chicago at the same time, so there will be much reminiscing over margaritas and Mexican food at Taxco. Yum....

Enough of this being in my classroom thing! Work's been done for nearly 30 minutes - it is time to get to happy hour and celebrate! Have a wonderful weekend, y'all!

For the record

My little sister leaves the best voicemails EVER!

Speaking of my sisters, today is their 23rd birthday! They are two of the most amazing women that I know - strong, smart, funny and beautiful. Happiest of birthday wishes, Lindsey and Rachel!

Ab-so-fucking-lutely

A little message from your friendly ACLU member:

An Overdue Visit

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the nation
Friends of Freedom knew it was a special occasion.
Lady Liberty stood taller just off the shore
Her torch shining brighter than a few weeks before

But it wasn't the flame turning her cheeks all rosy
It was thoughts of Snowe, Feingold and Nancy Pelosi
And leaders from every side of the aisle
Who would soon bring the Bill of Rights back into style.

The Amendments had all hurried out of their beds -
Which was no easy task, they were nearly in shreds -
And they rushed to the window on papery feet
As a jolly old man flew right over their street.

"Could it be!?" they inquired as the roof shook and trembled
And they crept toward the mantle, peaceably assembled,
Just as someone emerged from the chimney with flair
In a shiny red suit, with a shock of white hair

And a top hat, and pants all in red, white and blue -
"Wait a minute," the Amendments exclaimed, "Who are you?"
"Don't be frightened my children," he said, "it's no scam.
"You can't have forgotten your old Uncle Sam!"

"Holy crap!" said Free Speech. "Stop right there!" yelled Bear Arms
And Privacy cried "Who shut off the alarms?!"
The Fifth remained silent, but Uncle Sam said
"We've been having some trouble, but Freedom's not dead."

The Amendments were cautious. "It's just been so long
"We've seen Liberty lost, we've seen so much go wrong.
"The President's trying to mangle and warp us,
"The Fourth is in tatters, so's Habeas Corpus!"

The old man sat down - he had had quite a ride -
But he told them "Don't worry, the Law's on our side,
"'Cause the nation's fed up and more people are crying
"For Justice and an end to illegal spying,

"And secret abductions by the CIA,
"And laws that would take women's choices away,
"And Gitmo tribunals and secret detention,
"And other intrusions too numerous to mention - "

"Not so fast," said a grinchity voice from above
And Don Rumsfeld pushed past the Fourteenth with a shove.
He was covered in soot and he looked kind of scary.
It seemed like his Christmas had not been so merry.

The Amendments said they weren't happy to see him:
"You tried to throw all of us in the museum!
"You've done so much the Constitution forbids!"
"And I would have gone on, but for you meddling kids!"

Uncle Sam told him "Rummy, your plans just won't do,
"So we've got a brand new timetable for you!"
And as Rumsfeld retired and crept into the night
The Amendments cried out "Have a good secret flight!"

From the distance they heard him reply with a snort.
"Bye-bye, Rummy!" they answered, "we'll see you in court!"
Uncle Sam rode the chimney up out of the room
And, like Frosty, he said "I'll be back again soon."

But they heard him exclaim "Oh, and just one more thing!
"This year, when the holiday bells start to ring,
"Try to honor religion. Honest faith can't be wrong.
"It's America, can't we all just get along?

"So, on Christian," he cried, "Muslim, Hindu, and Jew!
"On Quaker! On Shaker! And Atheist too!
"On Buddhist! On Taoist! And to show we're not chickens
"We'll file a few lawsuits defending the Wiccans!

"Your belief is your right, so get out there and savor it.
"Uncle Sam's not a preacher, and he doesn't play favorites!"
So this holiday season, whatever you do,
Warmest wishes for Freedom, from the ACLU.

Thoughts and prayers

My thoughts and prayers today go out to the families in Milwaukee affected by the explosion at Falk Corporation. I haven't lived in Milwaukee in three years, but I was still shaken when I saw the photos and the maps - the explosion wasn't far from where I once lived. You can read more about the accident on the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel site. I hope all of you in the Milwaukee area are safe. I hope your relatives are safe. What a horrible thing to happen...

Mental filing cabinet

I love that a friend texted me, "Are financial aid forms covered under FERPA?" And I love even more that somewhere in my mental filing cabinet I actually had the answer. Memory is an amazing thing.

Anyway, I'm off to the Lupe Fiasco concert tonight. I am super excited! He's from Chicago and amazing. I'll let you know how it goes! :)

Muy fria

Someone who speaks Spanish better than I can feel free to correct my subject for today's post. And someone who lives somewhere that is actually cold can feel free to argue with me on this.

It was 76 degrees here on Friday. Today, with wind chill, it is about 20 degrees. That is a pretty significant drop for your body to acclimate to in such a short time span.

Even not considering that, consider this: I haven't been able to fully feel my toes since about noon and I have taught the last three hours wearing my coat. I resisted the urge to also wear my scarf.

Welcome, winter. We missed you so.

On a semi-related note, I have the first week of April off and am thinking of taking a vacation. I'd really like to go to Belize or Negril, but finances will prevent this. So now I'm looking for something cheaper and closer. Ideas?