Things

1. This is my 200th post at this location. Thanks for sticking with me.
2. Turns out that working full time, going to grad school full time (even if it is online), sitting on the Academic Leadership Team, trying to plan a wedding, babysitting once a week, and having some semblance of a life is a little challenging.
3. Good thing I'm not one to back down from a challenge.
4. I apologize if I've been a little out of touch.
5. I must be liking my job better this year - Brian pointed out that I haven't publicized a countdown to break yet.
6. It's true, although I'm certainly wishing frantically for time to speed up the next 40 hours and then SLOW down for the subsequent two weeks.
7. I am very nearly done with my holiday shopping - only have to buy for Brian's mom and cousin (whose name I pulled in the annual gift exchange).
8. My holiday gift giving instincts seem to have misplaced the "economy in crisis" memo.
9. One week from today and we'll be less than 12 hours away from another whirlwind trip to Chicago!
10. Happy "birthday" Addy! I can't believe it's been a month already...

For Cole..

Pictures of "the ring"

(Not-so) Breaking News

As of Thursday night, Brian and I are engaged! We don't know when and we don't really know where (although it will be somewhere in the DC area) we'll be getting married, but we know it is happening sometime in the next year to year and a half and we are nearly certain it will be in July. For now, we're just enjoying our new status and the way the shiny new addition to my left hand catches the light (okay, I might be enjoying that a little more than Brian...).

Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving and had much for which to be thankful.

Catching up

It’s been awhile since I wrote anything too substantial, so I’m going to try my best to do so now. That being said, a lot has happened, so I’ll going to try to cover it all in an easy-to-read way. Hope I’m successful.

Work
I think my fellow teachers will agree when I say November and February are the hardest months of the school year. About three weeks ago I started to lose my momentum a bit, and now I’m desperately counting down to Thanksgiving break. My seniors are doing pretty well – they are actually a lot more reasonable, less whiny, and seemingly less entitled than past classes – and I am remarkably less stressed now that I’m out of the middle school.

I will say that the “new” block schedule has really cramped my style for AP – we’re still on schedule, but it is amazing how little time we have to go into anything. Our head of school wants scores up dramatically in the next three years, but that’s going to be hard to do with this schedule. On the flip side, having my Economics elective every day for 90+ minutes is killing me. I have to create nearly eight hours of Economics curriculum each week – no one is happy right now.

My gig as an instructional coach is okay. I’m not always sure what it is I am supposed to be doing, but I guess I’m doing it well because the department is strong and my principal seems to think things are good. There are times when I think that I’d like to leave teaching and work with teachers full time, but then I wonder if I want to have to deal with adults all of the time. Hard to figure…

School
Grad school is going okay. It’s a little crazy fitting it into my already busy life, but I’m managing to get it all done. I’m in my second class (of ten) now and am getting some good ideas, although it’s still pretty basic. I feel like I’m reviewing what I learned in my instructional methods courses back in undergrad, but that’s not a bad thing. Having taught for five years definitely gives me a much different lens with which to consider strategies than when I was in college and had never really tried to teach a group of adolescents. Still, I’m looking forward to the next semester of courses, when we get more into literacy-specific strategies. And, for anyone keeping score at home, I’m performing pretty well so far – I wish I took school so seriously when I was an undergrad.

Health
I feel compelled to add this category in because people always ask me about my back. There isn’t a whole lot to report. I still have pain in my back just about every day and I have a very limited range of motion. The muscles in my back are very weak and, admittedly, I do not make enough time to strengthen my core the way I should. Brian tries to get me to go back to PT and I try to make time for the gym, but it is nearly impossible to fit those things into my schedule. Not to mention paying for any of it. Still, I need to figure something out because I’d like to have kids one day and probably don’t want the pregnancy throwing my back out.

Other than that, I’m nursing an awful head cold and just trying to get to next Tuesday. Mostly I sneeze and sniff a lot and sometimes cough and I’m always a little achy and very tired. It’s just bad enough to make me miserable, but not bad enough to justify taking time off work (especially this close to a five-day break). Anyone looking for a good investment might consider Kleenex or Sudafed, as I have been buying both in earnest lately.

Life
So many possible topics here…. Brian and I are celebrating Thanksgiving in Maryland with his mom and sister. We met last week to talk about the menu and, in true American holiday fashion, I am sure we will have much more food than the four of us can eat. Brian and Erin are in charge of the meal and I’m making pumpkin cheesecake. None of us love pie and I’m not a fan of making pie crusts, so this should work out well for everyone. Planning our Christmas celebration was a little trickier than Thanksgiving, but we’re going to do Christmas Eve in Maryland with Brian’s family and then fly to Chicago on Christmas morning and spend about 4 days in the Midwest. This somewhat crazy plan allows us to be with both families for Christmas and for us to celebrate Chanukah with my family in Chicago on the 27th. It could be a disaster, but I’m choosing to think of it as an adventure.

Shortly after Election Day, the mom of the kids I have babysat for nearly three years passed away. I had been at the house every weekend for the month or so prior – she was home with hospice care – and while it is completely tragic, it was not entirely unexpected. Her friends and family have been incredibly supportive and amazing, but I am also working a lot more than I was prior to all of this. I was at the house for eight hours or so the day after she passed, and I worked ten hours last weekend, which included watching the kids at the memorial service. It is a horribly sad situation and I am somehow right in the middle of it. I am glad to be able to help and I do genuinely love the family, but it is still an awful lot for me to manage. (That seems ridiculous to say given all that her husband, family, and friends have had to cope with, but is true nonetheless.)

Needless to say, I have been very introspective lately. Watching someone who is so young (41), who has such young children (10 and under), and who was married for such a short time (11 years) fight – and lose – the battle for their life is something that touches you deeply. I’m twenty-eight years old and I love my life, but this whole situation made me re-evaluate a little. I need to find some better balance between my “responsibilities” and my friends and family; I need to take better care of myself; I want to get married, have kids, get a house – do the whole (somewhat) settled, family thing. I don’t need it all to happen today, but I’ve realized in the last week or so how very important those things are to me and it’s good that I have that in mind moving forward.

In happier news – it’s Friday, Brian and I have tickets to two comedy shows this weekend, I only work two days next week, and Cole and Geoff’s daughter is beautiful and doing well. And in just over a month we’ll be at my parents’ house for a few days and that is always a good thing. I am clearly getting into the holiday spirit already (if it would only snow here…). Have happy weekend!

CONGRATULATIONS are in order

I wanted to congratulate Cole and Geoff on the arrival of their baby daughter, Adelynn Dawn, less than twelve hours ago!

Addy, your parents have been amazing friends to so many people and I know you will be showered with love, laughter, and kindness throughout your life. Welcome to our warm and sometimes crazy circle of friends!

Goodness

I need this week to be over so that I can get my life back on track. Seriously.

Happy Election Day!

No soapbox today, folks. Just get out there and cast your vote for "whoever you like." And if you need some motivation, check out the link below. You may already have seen it, but it's a great reminder of how much this election has inspired our students and, I think, the responsibility that we have to vote now so that they can vote later.

You can vote however you like!

In short

Barack Obama's "infomercial" this evening sold me all over again (even if it was a little disjointed at times). Not on him, necessarily, but on the idea that we can be a better country, that we can not only do well, but also do good in the world, that we can take better care of each other, and that we can be hopeful. It also made me proud to be an American government teacher, to be able to say to my students, "See? Government - and government officials - can be honorable, and measured, and intelligent, and compassionate, and open, and just." And I am hopeful that a week from now the country will be on that better path. And I am even more hopeful that four years from now I can still turn to my students and say those things. That's all. A more personal update will be posted in the next week or so.

Retorts

When I told Brian I'd have to eat without him tonight b/c Yom Kippur started at sunset and he wouldn't be home before then, he replied, "That's very observant of you."

When I told my seniors I was canceling my office hours today b/c I had to do a last minute presentation for bigwig visitors to our school, they said, "Good thing you left your hair down today."

When I told D, one of my favorite students from last year, that I was disappointed to see he was in ISS today, he looked at the ground and said, "I knew you would be. I'm just having a hard time ignoring distractions."

Sometimes, it is the little things that make you smile. And sometimes you need to get more sleep.

Just asking...

Why can't the weekend and the work week be more equal in length? I'm even willing to let the weekend be three days and the work week four. Seriously. I have too much non-work stuff to get done for just two days...probably no one to talk to about that though. ::sigh::

Ahem...

Happy birthday, Elizabeth!

That is all. Happy Friday, everyone.

An early morning thought

On mornings like this, I wish I had a job that allowed me to enter quietly, work independently and ease into the day. No such luck, though.

Things worth mentioning in this moment

1. L'shanah tovah! The Jewish New Year started yesterday, which is a nice reminder that the year is moving on.
2. The White Sox clinched the last playoff berth! HOORAY! And the Cubs made the playoffs too...it is possible that hell is freezing over at this very moment.
3. Does anyone think it's bad that I'm eating potato chips at 10:30 in the morning? I really need to go buy better snacks and lunch food to keep at school - I ran out last week and didn't make time to replenish the supply this weekend.
4. I have been so busy lately that I have yet to deposit my last check from babysitting (nearly two weeks ago), which meant I overdrew my checking account by $1.05 this past weekend. Which means my bank transferred $100 from my savings account and charged me for their automated system's trouble. ::sigh:: I was so angry about this last night - because, really, what twenty-eight year old does that?! Must add bank trips and checkbook balancing to weekly schedule.
5. The purchase that put my account over the edge was a new pair of shoes for work. They are read and shiny and were only $19. I love them and have worn them twice already this week. My students complimented me on them today and then applauded my ability to find a deal when I told them the cost.
6. Yesterday I wore my new $19 shoes with a fun black and white dress I bought this past summer. One of my seniors told me how much he loved my "Diane von Furstenberg" dress. Uhm. Thanks! Because it sure was a Merona dress that I found on Target's clearance rack for about $15. Discount diva these days, folks.
7. Is anyone else breathlessly awaiting the VP debate tomorrow? I am not even that interested in the VPs, what with it being a presidential election and all, but I just cannot wait to see what Biden and Palin will each say next. I think it's going to be awesome - if I can stomach some of the comments enough to sit through the whole thing.
8. On the topic of politics, I am beginning to think that if the House can't suck it up and stop bickering over this bailout we shouldn't re-elect any of them in their next election. I mean, I don't necessarily think this is the absolute best plan, but I also don't see many of them doing anything else to address the issue in a better way. So unless they want to stop complaining and nay-saying and do something productive, I think they might want to vote for the compromise plan and let us all get on with it. Then again, maybe they know something I don't. I don't pretend to fully understand all of the complexities surrounding this mess.
9. I don't know what I did to my neck last week, but it is a wreck. The muscles going from my back up to my ears are sore to the touch and it is hard for me to extend too far in any one direction. I had been asking Brian to try to loosen them up, but after that brought me to tears on Monday night, I figured I should lay off a little and see if it will work itself out.
10. My parents are coming to visit next weekend. We're having dinner with them in Baltimore and then spending Saturday and part of Sunday in Ocean City. Sunday or Monday night we're merging our families and having dinner with my folks, Brian's mom and his sister. I think it will be fun, but I don't want it to be a production for anyone. It will probably be something easy, like going to a local restaurant or something like that. Still, kind of a big deal, I guess.
11. Not teaching middle school has made my life so much more calm. I am overwhelmed by work, it is true, but I don't yell during the day, for the most part students don't call me names or curse me out and I rarely have to redirect for teasing, talking out, etc. It makes me feel like a bit of a sell-out, but I think it was time for me to move on.
12. Grad school continues to drive me insane. Just about every assignment causes me to yell at the computer, at the invisible people in and running my class and, sometimes, at Brian (not AT him, but in his general direction). That being said, I enjoy the readings and am doing well on the assignments. I just don't feel like I'm getting a ton from my classmates and the assignment requirements are still a little confusing and frustrating for me.
13. In the last month or so I have started reminiscing about my first years in DC. I love my life now, wouldn't give it up or change it for anything, but there is something fun about spending your mid-twenties as a single person in a semi-big city. I remember nights when Elizabeth and I would take the train downtown, split up for different nights out and reconvene in our apartment for pizza, a debrief or even just a semi-conscious head nod as we turned in for the night. My college years were filled with work and teaching and organizing, so I don't have as many of those experiences from college. I am glad I got to have them when I first moved here. I am also very glad that they are behind me.
14. Fall has returned to DC, which is awesome. For a while there last week, I thought I might try to convince Brian that we should move to Canada or someplace much further north. It was hot and humid and even when it rained, it stayed hot and humid. Last night huge storms rolled through and now it is clear and cool. This is the weather I enjoy, especially now that it is October (it is October!). Besides, my fall clothes are way better than my summer clothes. Who doesn't love sweaters and boots?!
15. Finally, Happy anniversary, Mom and Dad! Here's wishing you another 30+ years of happiness together!

My apologies

I know it has been awhile since I posted (nearly a month, now that I look back) and I do apologize. My responsibilities this year seem to have multiplied exponentially and I am still trying to settle into a routine. So keep checking back, a real blog update is on the to do list - right after babysitting, calling Maggie, grading the last of my Econ papers, posting on my grad school discussion board, emailing Andie and Marcia and Amy and Lindsey, calling the eye doctor and dentist and physical therapist, doing laundry, dropping off dry cleaning and maybe getting some sleep. I really do feel as though my head is going to spin right off my neck one of these days.

...

No time to worry about that now, though, must be off!

Long way to go...

Yesterday was the 88th anniversary of women's suffrage (woo hoo!), but it seems we still have a long way to go until women are serving as equal citizens of American society.

"...Today, the United States ranks 22nd among the 30 developed nations in its proportion of female federal lawmakers. The proportion of female state legislators has been stuck in the low 20 percent range for 15 years; women’s share of state elective executive offices has fallen consistently since 2000, and is now under 25 percent. The American political pipeline is 86 percent male.

Women’s real annual earnings have fallen for the last four years. Progress in narrowing the wage gap between men and women has slowed considerably since 1990, yet last year the Supreme Court established onerous restrictions on women’s ability to sue for pay discrimination. The salaries of women in managerial positions are on average lower today than in 1983.

Women’s numbers are stalled or falling in fields ranging from executive management to journalism, from computer science to the directing of major motion pictures. The 20 top occupations of women last year were the same as half a century ago: secretary, nurse, grade school teacher, sales clerk, maid, hairdresser, cook and so on. And just as Congress cut funds in 1929 for maternity education, it recently slashed child support enforcement by 20 percent, a decision expected to leave billions of dollars owed to mothers and their children uncollected. ..."

-Susan Faludi

This week's word is "busy"

To prove to you that this week has been busy, I will ask you to guess how much time Brian and I have spent together awake since last Sunday. Thoughts? Counting Sunday, we have spent about eight - maybe nine - hours together. And of that time, four hours were spent reading and watching the Olympics in our living room while Brian and his best friend drafted their fantasy football team on our computer. It's one thing when we don't see each other because one of us is out of town. It's another when we only see each other for a little while before bed or while gettgin ready for work. Seriously. It makes me a little cranky. Plus, I'm starting to feel overwhelmed by all I have to do in the next ten days or so.

Week two of all-staff professional development has been good. Some department meeting and planning, but also a lot of independent work time. This is very important to me since I have to create new curriculum maps for all three of the courses I am teaching this year. Plus I moved into a new room and while I set it all up on Monday, I had to move it all today so my roommate could have access to the overhead projector. My to do list for August 29th (deadline for all "deliverables" fills almost an entire sheet of notebook paper and while I am plugging through as best I can, I am also starting to lose momentum and feel like I am in over my head a bit. I was midway through my day today - rehanging the same posters for the third time and thinking about the pacing of my Government course - when I realized that this is all a feeling I have had before. Back when I was starting teaching for the first time. Back then, though, it was overwhelming, but exciting. Now it's just overwhelming. And annoying.

But my job isn't all that is keeping me away from home (although it is 6pm and I am typing this at work while I wait for parent orientation to begin so that I can present the academic schedule to the rising 8th grade). At least not my full-time, taxable job. Last Sunday the dad of the kids I used to sit for called and asked me if I could help out. I love their family and feel so bad about their situation so of course I said yes. I sat six hours on Sunday, four hours Monday and three hours last night. I'm also slated for most of the day Saturday. It's a lot of time that I don't mind giving them because I want to help out and I want the kids to have a routine and stability, but it is still really hard to work all day, drive to upper NW, do the dinner-playtime-bath-bed routine (the latter part usually induces wailing fits, by the way), drive back home and get ready for another day. Makes me think twice about wanting a big(ish) family of my own.

Things are not all bad, though. Don't despair! My college roommate Karen is flying into DC tomorrow and we will get to spend Friday evening/night hanging out and having fun. Brian's birthday is Monday and we're going to dinner and a concert to celebrate. My sister just booked her trip for the middle of September and it is a substantial chunk of time. My parents are coming to visit for Columbus Day weekend. All good things. Now if I could just get on top of this to do list...

Happy week's end, everyone!

Week 1 of real life wrap-up

Work:
Tomorrow is the last day of the first week of work. I have to say that, minus a few minor irritations, it has been much better than expected. This school year I am acting as the instructional coach/department chair of my department and, as such, now sit on the Academic Leadership Team. This means I teach less often (2 blocks/day; 3 courses/semester), but have more administrative responsibility. I am genuinely looking forward to growing as a professional this year, but was a little skeptical of whether or not that would actually happen. After four days of leadership training, I am allowing myself a little more optimism. I might still rage silently inside when one of the group members continues to talk when everyone else is ready to move on and I might never get completely on board with my well-meaning, but sometimes scattered principal, but I do feel like I am part of something that is gearing up to do real work this year and push the school in a good direction. Plus I got a purple polo shirt and am in charge of creating templates and communicating with our boarding counterparts. What's not to love?

Health:
Nine months after I herniated the discs in my back, I still have incredibly limited mobility and what I consider to be serious discomfort. On Monday I went for a consult with a neurosurgeon (the one I saw back in November retired; this was his former partner). He examined my back, looked at my old MRI and X-ray films and asked me a few questions. Then he sighed, sat down in front of my and pronounced my back "hard to treat." He said I have "degenerative spine disease" which means that the bases of my vertebrae are narrowing which makes the discs less stable. Fusion surgery might be something to discuss much later in life, but for now he suggested more yoga/Pilates and a willingness to "just sort of deal with it." I will be honest - it's not quite what I was hoping for, but it was good to have my concerns justified and to have an explanation for why I still don't feel 100%. And I was glad to hear him dismiss surgery as completely unnecessary for me at this point. So I'm committed to doing more cardio and finding a way to start Pilates again - it will strengthen my core to help support my back, while also strengthening my back. Plus, I was about ten pounds from my goal weight when this all happened back in October, which means I'm now closer to twenty pounds away. This should help me get back on that track as well. Maybe y'all can help hold me to this new plan (not that it's super well-formulated yet).

Grad School:
I enrolled in the Master's in Education program at Walden University this summer and will begin classes in September. The program specialization is in literacy in the content area (science, math, social studies) for grades 6-12. I am really excited about the coursework and am also looking forward to May 2010 when I will finish the program. I've been thinking about getting my master's for a few years now, but wasn't sure of what I should focus on. This program specialization is something I am truly passionate about and is something that will make me pretty marketable in the years to come (especially important since I don't plan on staying in the classroom too much longer).

That's about it in terms of "real life" wrap-up information. Brian and I saw John Legend and Jay-Z perform at a fundraiser for Africa a week ago and it was amazing. Our seats got upgraded and we were SO close to the stage. I will post pictures on Facebook as soon as I have a chance to upload them to the computer. Pair that with Rock the Bells and George Michael and it is clear that Brian definitely spoiled me with concerts this summer.

I don't want to end on a sad note, but I do want to make a plea for prayers and good vibes before I sign off. Awhile back I told you that the mom of the kids I "nanny" in DC was diagnosed with colon cancer. She was declared cancer-free in March, but a mid-July check-up revealed that the cancer had recurred and spread to her brain, lungs and abdomen. She had promising brain surgery a few days ago and everyone is hoping for the best. She is one of the strongest and most amazing women I have ever known and her family is wonderful. Please keep her, her husband and their three children (ages 10, 4 and 2) in your thoughts and prayers.

I know that was a downer, but I am a strong believer in the power of positive thinking (and prayer) and I know that you are all supportive, compassionate people who will step up in this occasion. I hope that the first full week of August ends well for each of you and that you are able to get out and enjoy the weekend. Much love!

Summer Travels

July was a busy month for me and I thought I would update via photos and some text. (Disclaimer: I have tried to format this better about four times and am DONE now - it's not too bad, but y'all know how much I want it to be perfect) Enjoy!

The Great Midwestern Adventure: Chicago/Madison/Tonica (July 10-15)
We arrived on the 10th and after lunch with my parents, we headed downtown for a river tour with Lindsey. It was a little cloudy and rainy, but not too bad. Plus, I really do think this is the best way to see the city and it was fun way to introduce Brian to all Chicago has to offer. Okay, not ALL of it, but a very important part. We also checked out Millenium Park and the Bean sculpture, where Brian didn't really want to cooperate with my picture taking. ::sigh:: That night was dinner in Greektown and then a showing of the play Lindsey's working on. This was one of the first of many long days for us.

On the 11th, we had lunch with a friend of Brian's and then drove up to Madison for a little time in one of my favorite places. I thought this was only fair since Brian had only been to Madison in January, which is not the best time for Wisconsin. This time, the weather was much more pleasant and our hotel room had spectacular views of both Lake Monona and the Capitol. We shopped State Street and had dinner at the Great Dane before meeting some of my student organizing friends for drinks on the rooftop of the new Overture Center. I have to say that I was both surprised and impressed by this relatively new option on the Madison nightlife scene.

On the 12th, we headed over to the Terrace to hang out with some of my college friends. The weather was phenomenal, Lake Mendota was full of sailboats and there was beer, ice cream and lemonade for mama-to-be Cole. Before going on the trip, I'd had high hopes for this outing and it was just as perfect as I imagined it would be. We hung out and chatted for a few hours and then headed back to Chicago for dinner with Rachel, her girlfriend, her girlfriend's parents and my parents at my favorite Mexican restaurant in Chicago. It was there that Brian had the smallest fajitas I have ever seen.

The 13th was family reunion time in Tonica, IL. This small town is home to my grandparents' house and is about two and a half hours southeast of Chicago. Lindsey had to work so Rachel, Brian and I loaded into the family minivan for a little road trip. The reunion was a bit overwhelming since there were many people there that I have not seen in years and did not know. But we got to spend some nice time with my grandparents, my cousins Kathryn and John and my aunts and uncle. I also got to dust off my bocce ball skills for a friendly competition midday. It was a lot of day, but like everything else on this trip, it was a lot of fun and I am so glad to have been able to introduce Brian to those important people in my life. (And, it turns out, Brian's not bad at bocce ball either!)

I didn't take many photos on the 14th (shocking, I know!), but we ate at Sweet Maple Cafe (so delicious) and then wandered through Navy Pier for a bit. That night we met up with my high school friends for drinks and then headed back home to sample some traditional Chicago-style pizza. As you probably noticed, this was a standard Miller family trip in that there was plenty to see, but more to eat.

The 15th came faster than I had bargained for so we packed our bag and took a bunch of family photos (with me in MD and Rachel headed back to China for another year, it's important to take them when we can). Brian took at least one pointing photo every time we took pictures - it was his theme or something - and this is a great example. After the photo shoot, we introduced Brian to the wonder that is Smoque barbecue. Fully satiated, we headed to the airport and back home. It was a phenomenal trip and I am thankful for everyone who worked us into their schedules. I'm hoping we're back for Chanukah, but we will have to wait and see. Until then, this trip's memories will hold me over.

Go West, Young (Wo)Man: Seattle (July 16-20)
Less than 24 hours after landing at BWI from Chicago, I was back and headed to Seattle for a visit with my college friends Jennifer and Aaron, my high school friend Paul and the annual AP Conference. I had a great time visiting Jennifer and Aaron and their one month old son Gabriel in Kirkland, Washington. They are headed back to the Midwest so I am glad I got to see them in Seattle before they moved. Paul did an awesome job of showing me around Seattle (including the really cool looking locks/salmon ladders) before taking me to the airport for my redeye home. In between, I learned a lot about increasing rigor in our curriculum and also got to hang out with Brian's friend Jodi, who is moving from Chicago to Seattle in a few months and was in town to look for a house with her boyfriend. It was a great trip, although it showed me that I could never be one of those people who travel all of the time. I like my home (and my bed) too much.

Friendship in the City of Bridges: Pittsburgh (July 25-26)
At the end of June, my friend from Andie moved up to Pittsburgh for a new (awesome) job. Andie and I would get together at least once a week after work to decompress and talk about life and I was missing that. So, I decided to take advantage of my dwindling summer vacation and drive up to spend some time with her. Traffic slowed me down some, but we still managed to tour the Phipps Conservatory and the Cathedral of Learning before heading to an Irish pub for dinner and drinks with her boyfriend and their Pittsburgh crew. We ended the night at a lounge overlooking the city, which was surprisingly beautiful. It was an incredibly short trip (I left after breakfast the next day), but a much-needed one. (Andie has the only picture of the two of us, so look for that on Facebook at a later date).

Okay, that's it for now. I go back to work on the 4th and this last week has been and will be full of concerts. Rock the Bells on Sunday, George Michael last night and Jay-Z/John Legend on Friday night. Can't wait! Can't believe my summer's pretty much over! Good thing I squeezed so much into July!

I never could have hacked it at Woodstock

Yesterday, Brian and I went to "Rock the Bells," an all day hip hop music festival. Gates opened at 11am and music started at noon, but we didn't show until about 3pm. From 3pm until 11pm we sat, walked, danced, ate and people-watched. In those 8 hours we saw: Rakim; Ghostface & Raekwon; De La Soul; Method Man and Redman; The Pharcyde; Mos Def; Nas; and Tribe Called Quest. Plus some short bits by Wale and Jay Electronica, who had both performed earlier in the day. It was an amazing show and I was so grateful to be there, but as Brian said, "it is a show to endure."

So anxious

T-minus two days until we leave for our whirlwind trip to the Midwest! I have been working so hard not to think about this trip that now that it is almost here I am nearly bursting with excitement. Today I set aside my outfits for the trip and tomorrow I'll get a pedicure and we'll pack. And then we leave! Can't wait to be home. Can't wait to relax with my family. Can't wait to see my friends. Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait!

Not nearly as fun as you'd think

I have now been on vacation for two full days and some hours and it is really not as fun as one might think. I spent Monday cleaning the house, doing laundry and making dinner. Tuesday I slept a lot, laid by the pool for an hour, watched tv, ran some errands and made blueberry cobbler. So far this morning, I have gone for a walk, watched tv, done my stretches and had breakfast. Now I'm waiting for the pool to open so I can spend some time there before a shower, lunch and an appointment to get my hair dyed. Brian has softball tonight which means I have loads of alone time and I am already bored out of my mind. I needed this break, no doubt about it, but I wish I had more teacher friends that I could hang out with in the summertime.

Welcome to vacation!

The 2007-2008 school year finally ended today and there were four things that made it a great end to a less than stellar year.

1. I co-chaperoned a trip to the University of Maryland for the 28 boys at orientation this week. It was hot and a lot of walking, so there was plenty of whining, but the boys also had a lot of fun and were legitimately excited about seeing the campus. Awesome. And a good reminder of why it is we do what we do for kids every day.
   
2. When I got home early from work, Brian was also home early (waiting for the cable man to come fix our internet). Not that we did anything more than watch some tennis and some cooking shows before we left for the night, but it's somehow more fun when you have unexpected time together.
   
3. I met my good friends Emily and Colleen for a three hour "happy hour" tonight which involved some beer, some pizza and a lot of conversation.
   
4. When leaving the bar, we walked past the new restaurant opening on Penn. It is being opened by Spike, one of the contestants on Top Chef: Chicago. He was clearly inside doing prep work and when he saw us peering through the windows, he came out and invited us in for a tour. It looks like a good space and they will serve burgers, fries, milkshakes and beer. Didn't need to say a lot more to convince Colleen, Emily and I. Plus...we got to meet him! And chat with him about food! In his restaurant! With no one else around! Pretty cool.
   

Yes, I'm a geek. It's fine. Bring on four weeks of rest, relaxation and travel!

And the "Slightly inappropriate question" award goes to...

K. for asking me how I got such big calf muscles in the middle of a class discussion on types of government. Ian nearly choked on his water while I simply moved us along. It is, after all, a question I get asked at least once a year.

Midweek review

Sorry that the last post was so cranky. It was just one of those mornings where too many dark clouds gather over your head at the same time and I had to vent to someone.

Orientation week is more than halfway finished and I'm in a much better place these days. The co-teaching thing has found its rhythm and the boys I'm working with this week are, as always, completely lovable. Today I was wearing a mostly blue dress and one of my students (who rarely initiates conversation) said, "Your eyes! They're beautiful!" Flattery gets you everywhere with me, it seems. Anyway, it's hard to square the image of these children with the image of the crazies I said good-bye to just a few weeks ago. Still, here we are. And it will be just the same next year.

Just not feelin' it

Summer orientation starts in 30 minutes and I'm in a foul mood. Here's why:

1. I got here at 7:30am to prepare. Turns out this year we're starting at 9am instead of 8am. No one to be mad at about that except myself. Read carefully, eh?
2. Since I had a bunch of extra time, I decided to make copies. Only all of the printers are out of ink so that's challenging. Okay, so I can at least copy the already-printed sheets. Nope. All the copiers got programmed with new codes that none of us know. Awesome. Good planning, everyone.
3. I have to co-teach. I like the person I am working with, but I really dislike co-teaching. I want to be responsible for my own classroom, I don't want to have to share and I want the materials to look the way I made them. For example, he printed out the homework assignments before we left last week, which is good and nice, but he didn't fix the margins so that it prints on one page and stuff like that gets to me. Also, he wants to spend the first 10 minutes of class going over social skills and expectations, but with 45 minute classes, I really just want to get to work. VERY different styles in the same room should be fun.

I really need to get over myself. I'm just so cranky and over it and nothing's even started yet. ::sigh:: Happy Monday, all.

Tough call

Benadryl for the still-itching bug bites on my legs or prescription-strength ibuprofen for the slight back pains that will certainly be heightened by the impending 2 hours of standing in heels? Right, I think I just made my decision. Off to the fundraiser then!

Completely random

1. I haven't posted in a month for no good reason. My excuse is that there is nothing to post about because life is much the same, day in and day out, but that's not really true. Things happen every day that I think about posting and then don't. So, while I kill some time before getting ready for an event tonight, I thought I'd stop being lazy and at least try to post some news.
   
2. Congratulations are in order for my freshman year college roommates Jennifer and Aaron (Jennifer was my actual roommate, but Aaron was there every weekend, so I count him too). Just after midnight this morning, they welcomed their son Gabriel into the world. All the best will certainly be given to this lucky little boy, but I'll send some best wishes of my own out to the new family in Seattle. Much love, guys!
3. The longest school year is on a short hiatus, thank goodness. I'm in the midst of my week-long break between the end of the school year and the start of new student orientation. As always, the end came at a time when I really appreciated it, but this year felt different. Instead of being thankful and excited about the end of the year, I just felt empty. This year has been such a struggle for me professionally that I was cranky and sad about it ending because that meant it could never be a success. The 2007-2008 school year is over and it was never really very good. I guess I can find solace in the fact that it is over and I am still standing. That's something.
   
4. Graduation was this past Saturday and, in many ways, it was more about the adults than the students. This year marks the 10-year anniversary of the school so there was much to celebrate, I suppose. ::sigh:: I deeply believe in the mission of my school, but sometimes the way they pat themselves on the back and spin the reality is a little gross. Plus, there was much gift giving to mark the occasion and, as such, the ceremony felt a little like the Oprah show. Fitting, I know.
   
5. This morning I spoke with my grad school admissions counselor. Starting with the 2008-2009 school year, I will be working towards a Master's in Education specializing in Literacy in the Content Area. I am really excited about the coursework and about the career path that I think this degree will put me on. The more I think about it, the more I think I will work at my school for another two years (completing my Master's and seeing my first class of students graduate high school) and then apply to be a consultant to urban schools serving underserved populations. Makes me smile just thinking about it, which is a welcome feeling regarding work these days.
   
6. My very best friend Maggie got into town on Saturday night. She is here to visit with me, meet Brian, attend her boyfriend's fundraiser (he is running for state assembly in WI) and meet his good friends who also live in the area. We haven't seen each other since last July and our trip to LA so it was good to sit and relax together. Plus, it meant a lot to me to have her meet Brian and spend time with him. And I was glad to be able to meet her boyfriend yesterday (and support his campaign by attending the fundraiser tonight). Maggie and I have one of those very comfortable friendships where you can be completely satisfied by just sitting in the same room and occasionally talking while watching tv or, in the case of this trip, lounging by the pool. Plus we did a good amount of shopping, which is always fun.
   
7. Maggie's visit and our talks got me thinking about how I have really moved into a new stage in my life. My friends are almost all in serious relationships and many are starting families. We are contemplating education and career moves that will set us up for a long-term future and we are settling down without settling. It's exciting and fun, but also a little surreal. I'm just glad that I've already had my quarter-life crisis or this could all prompt some kind of freak-out on my end. As it is, I simply think about it all at times and then get on with having my life and not analyzing it.
   
8. Brian and I are headed to the Midwest in three weeks and I am anxiously awaiting the trip. I'm also a little stressed about fitting everything in. I have not been back home since the winter and both of those trips were very short and centered around major events (Christmas; a wedding) so I want to spend time relaxing with my family and friends. Unfortunately, because I get back so infrequently, there is a lot to fit into our five days. But you all know me well enough not to worry; I'm diligently working on an itinerary to make it all work. Even if the schedule changes, it makes me feel better to have it laid out ahead of time.
   
9. A very exciting perk of our trip back to Chicago is that it coincides with my sister's visit home from China. I have not seen her since we were all in LA last summer and I am so excited to spend time with her. Plus, she and Brian have never met, which makes me sad, especially since I think that they will get along very well.
   
10. To end this very haphazard posting, I want to send a congratulations out into the cyberworld for my second cousin Marty and his partner, who will exchange vows in August after nearly 30 years of unrecognized marriage. My politics should not surprise any of you at this point, but politics aside, I am so happy for both of them and I am glad my dad will be able to attend the ceremony in CA. Much love to them and to all of you.
    

One sign that I'm getting older...

I have no weddings to attend this summer.

To others...

Three points in response to the "anonymous" comment:

1. It's not deep down, I miss you lots.
2. We can have cake, but maybe not hats. I can't handle those elastic chin straps. What about balloons? Could we compromise with balloons?
3. No mystery - I'd know your silly comments anywhere - remember last year when you posted on my Myspace wall? Another classic example. And it always makes me smile.

Wendy, you've got it! I think the only night we still have free is that Monday, although we also might be able to swing Saturday night. Let's talk when it gets closer...

Thanks, Paul - I'd love to see you. Plus I have a lot of time to kill between the end of my conference and my need to be at the airport for the red-eye. Ugh.

Miscellaneous musings

I have a lot of random thoughts bouncing around so I'm going to use a list to get them out in semi-ordered fashion.

1. The Democratic primary campaign has become one of the most frustrating things for me to read/hear about. Not for the reasons you might think either. Mainly I am frustrated because very few people are acknowledging that race and gender have had and will continue to have an impact in the election. And I don't know what has been more disturbing to me, the outward misogyny directed at Clinton or the not-talked-about-but-definitely-there outright racism directed at Obama. Check out these two articles from the Washington Post to see more of what I mean: Misogyny I Won't Miss and Dark Side of the Campaign. I understand wanting to stay positive and the like, but these are important issues that we should be discussing and admitting to as a society. Or so I think, anyway.
2. Friday was the last day for seniors at school. For the next two weeks they will work in various internships and are responsible for getting themselves there on time, etc. In order to honor their departure, we had a two hour "transition" ceremony to say good-bye to the senior class and the recognize the rising seniors as the new leaders on campus. It is an amazing ceremony, full of love and community and reminders of why I chose to stay at this school (and in teaching) in the first place. Honestly, the best time for my principal to give me my letter of agreement for next year would be right after this ceremony. Walking out of the gym at the end of the ceremony, I couldn't imagine doing anything other than teaching. Yeah...
3. I'm not sure I can articulate this well, but I'm going to try. Last week was the beginning of the end of the school year. This means that as students get more and more crazy, I get more and more tired of it all. After observing some tenth graders run away and attempt to hide from our attendance officer, I mentioned something about being tired by all the bullshit to one of my coworkers. She replied, "I know. Can you believe that this is the future of our country!?" She might as well have punched me in the stomach. Yes, I can believe it. Absolutely. Because isn't that the point? That our school educates those students that society says are not the future? I mean, our mission, which is the whole reason I looked into the school in the first place, espouses a belief that all students can be prepared for success in college and in life. And I do believe in that, even if I don't always think we're living up to our mission and even if there are days when I want to walk away. In the end, I cannot give up on our kids. Not yet.
4. Yesterday, Brian and I went to our friends' house for a cookout. Three couples, two babies, warm sun, cold beer, good food, fun music and lots of laughter; it was a perfect day. And it makes me realize how ready I am for summer. Even if I only have a month off, the month of August should be a pretty easy one so I'm looking forward to two months of cookouts with friends, drinks on the patio, jazz in the park and walks around the pond.
5. Speaking of summer...Brian and I will be in Chicago July 10-July15. I think we'll be in Madison July 11 & 12 and in Chicago the rest of the time. Other than a trip to Madison and a trip to see my grandparents, we don't have anything planned so I'm looking forward to exploring Chicago with him and meeting up with all of you. Look for an email as the trip gets closer. Additionally, I'll be in Seattle July 16-20, so if you live in that area, I will be hitting you up for dinner plans, etc.

Y'all know how I feel about lists. Five is a perfect place to stop. Plus Brian just came home with the Sunday paper so I'm going to dive in to that. Hope you have a good week!

shortened summer solstice

Okay, so the title doesn't quite work, but I was striving for alliteration...

Just got the calendar for next school year. Three weeks of PD to start the year (don't get me started) and then since I am on the 08-09 leadership team I have an extra week of planning. Add in mandatory summer orientation staffing and my summer vacation is now June 28th - August 3rd. Add I will be at a work conference for four of those days in mid-July. Ugh.

I know some of you are rolling your eyes at me and thinking, "What is she complaining about? What I wouldn't do for a month of vacation!" I tell you what, here's what you have to do: spend nine months of the year without being able to take a day when you "feel like a break" and spend five days a week for those nine months working 10-15 hours/day plus some weekends molding and shaping the minds and character of adolescents who, more often than not, challenge you and your hard work at every turn. Approach every day with a positive attitude, even when being cursed at, yelled at and ignored. Dream and worry about your clients so much that it makes you a little crazy. When the last thing you hear some nights before falling asleep is the echo of teenagers yelling your name (and not in a good way) you can have a month off. In fact, in my mind, you deserve a little more than that.

Sorry, off the soapbox now. I have four weeks this summer - any one want to book some time now? Happy Friday, all!

some days the shine is off

Most days I find my students entertaining and enjoyable, even when other adults may find them a bit trying. But then there are days when the shine has worn off and I have no patience for their rudeness, their lack of effort and their nonchalance. Today is one of the latter. Probably doesn't help that I'm tired and it is raining for the third day in a row. ::sigh:: Just six more hours to push through. Happy Monday, all.

lackluster

Lately, I have been feeling very blah. I couldn't really put my finger on it, but I was writing earlier and I think I came across it. I know that I am loved and appreciated and the like, but lately I feel very run of the mill and that’s lame. Everyone wants to feel special, even if it is only in their small-time, everyday life. I suspect at least some of you will agree.

I'm not drinking the Kool-aid, just checking it out...

(Cole, this update will sound eerily familiar, but Starbucks is closing soon and I'm just going to somewhat alter the update I just sent you...seems good enough for now.)

My work prospects have taken an unexpected turn. Two weeks ago I met with my principal about next year and fully expected to tell her I would not be returning. After all, this year has been pretty awful and I can't imagine another year of screaming into the wind (what I feel like I am doing most days). Before I could really say much she offered me a reduced teaching load (3 classes - no new preps & only 12th grade) plus department chair/instructional coach, which comes with a position on the academic leadership team. Definitely not what I was anticipating. While I'm not really thrilled at the prospect of being in that school environment again, it is a hard offer to refuse. Mostly, I feel like it is an incredible opportunity - one not many other people would give a 27 year old without a master's - and it would enable me to finish out 5 years of teaching, which seems like a good baseline for other jobs. Plus, while there are plenty of jobs out there that I can do, there haven't really been any that I am really excited about (save a museum job that I wasn't qualified for). And, as much as I want to tear my hair out at work, I am committed to the school and the students so I kind of like the idea of giving it another go. That being said, this year hasn't done a lot to instill confidence in me. But then I go back to the plus side of things and, as mentioned above, there are a number of them. So, as hard as it is for me to believe, I am seriously considering putting in one more year. I just might be crazy...

In other news it is finally spring break. No alarm clock, no bedtime, plenty of books and tv time - it's fantastic. Today I got a pedicure, browsed the mall and had lunch with my friend Amy. It was perfect. This break - full of just about nothing - is well-timed and well-deserved, I'd say. Tomorrow my only goal is to enjoy some time in the fleeting sun and get more rest. Hope you all are enjoying the beginning of spring (even if it doesn't look or feel like it just yet).

My "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad" morning

I sit on a teacher assistance committee at school. On Monday I forgot about our weekly meeting (which I missed the two weeks prior b/c of PT). This morning I volunteered to meet with our committee head and a teacher who needed strategy help with a certain student. The meeting was at 8am so I figured I would leave by 7:15a and be okay.

I just got to work (at 8:37a).

Sometime last night we lost power. Brian woke up to blinking numbers and reset the clock, but was an hour short. I woke up at 6:52am, although the clock said it was 5:52a. I rushed through a shower and was in my car at 7:21a. Not too shabby, maybe I would be a few minutes late; they probably wouldn't start right at 8a anyway. Then it took me one hour and fifteen minutes to get to work. Seventy-five minutes. I work 18 miles from our house. If I'm doing my math right, that means I averaged about 4 miles an hour this morning.

I briefly checked email before signing on here and two emails from friends nearly brought me to tears. I feel like this year at work has been one thing after another. I feel like even when I have the best of intentions and plans, I end up letting people down. And those of you who know me well know that the thing I worry about the most is letting people down. I hate that feeling more than just about anything else. And this year has been chock-full of that feeling at work. This morning is just one more example.

So I haven't eaten breakfast, my back is a total wreck (from all the sitting in the car), I missed the meeting and I'm all stressed out about it. I guess the "glass half-full" perspective could be that the worst is over for the day. I'll try to keep that in mind as I try to shake this off and move on with my day. Happy hump day, all.

Fifteen minute reprieve

I have papers to grade and lecture notes to review, but I also have a fresh cup of tea and the need for a short session with all of you. Can't promise much, but here we go all the same.

Spring seems to be springing in DC. I doubt it lasts too long, but it is in the mid to upper sixties here this week and I am so grateful. Not that it is overly sunny or balmy (lots of clouds and wind), but the warmth gives me hope. Yesterday I left work at 5p and went with my friend Andie for dinner outside. We set up on 8th Street and enjoyed warm weather, cold beer and good conversation for nearly two hours. It was much needed and appreciated.

I am hoping that the change in season ushers in a change in attitude for me as well. You know the old adage, "If you can't say anything nice..."? I have been following it a lot lately and, as such, find myself without much to say. Airing grievances about my situation to people who can't do anything about it is just complaining and I am tired of complaining. Plus, for me at least, complaining only serves to make me more agitated (as Brian can verify) so I'm just trying to make it through the next few months. I don't have much confidence that I would get any real result from talking with admin, so I pretty much just put my head down and get back to work and am grateful for every little moment of joy my students provide. I am already anticipating how hard it will be to say good-bye to them, but I know that is time for me to leave this place. I can't fight the same fights and keep seeing no results.

And so I find myself, twenty-seven years old and applying for jobs for only the second time in my life. I found an amazing job opening for a program director at the new Capital Visitor Center, but it is a government job and I don't meet the pay grade requirements. I applied anyway, but the handy online application program let me know that I "failed to meet basic requirements," which is a humbling phrase if there ever was one. It's too bad too, because I think I'm pretty well qualified to develop programs and exhibit content on civics and US government for students and the general public, but I guess my lack of a master's in public affairs says otherwise. ::sigh:: There are some other jobs on the horizon, but none that have me as excited as this non-opportunity did. Still, I have four months until I am out of a job, so I'm staying optimistic.

We all go through this

This point in our lives where we really don't have anything to report. It's where I've been for awhile, mostly because the only thing I ever feel like reporting on is work and I really don't want to be that girl. But now I have some fun things to share (courtesy of my sister) and I figured I'd do a very brief update as well.

Relationship

I'm officially all moved in and Brian and I just celebrated our one-year anniversary, which is a bit surreal. It is also wonderful and, at times, a bit overwhelming. For all the resilence with which I dated, etc when I first got to DC, I never imagined I'd really find someone I wanted to spend considerable time with and now I find myself in a relationship I can't imagine ending. Many of you will understand this feeling, I imagine, but it's new for me.

Work

Nothing new, really. It's basically a matter of survival at this point. The seventh graders are less than joyful, which is doubly sad for me because I truly love that age. I don't know. I teach because I get so much satisfaction from helping students learn and this year, especially with my middle schoolers, I don't feel like they are learning. I feel like I am failing at my job and, what makes it worse, I don't feel like any of the higher ups will do anything to step in. When I raise concerns, I am told that I am doing great and that's why no one observes me, etc. If I'm doing great, then... Anyway, I'm applying to about five jobs at the moment - one of which I am really excited about (programming for the new Capital Visitor Center) and none of which involve teaching in the traditional sense. We'll see.

Other stuff

My sister is doiong a photo project for my parents and in the process she found two photos that she thought I would appreciate. The first one, a photo of me at about 2 years, made me shake my head a little, although, not to stereotype, but I wonder how many of my midwestern friends have similar photos in their photo albums or stories in their family history:

The second picture made me gasp a little. People have long told me that I look like my mom and I have seen some resemblance, but never anything like this old picture shows. The photo is of my mom when she was around my age, give or take a year or two. Check it out for yourself:

Well, it's time to get out of bed and get ready for the day. Hope you all are doing well!

Update

A few new photos are up, not many, but my seniors presented some research last night and I'm proctoring an exam this morning...

Privilege and perspective

The list is based on an exercise developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois State University. The exercise developers ask that if you participate in this blog game, you acknowledge their copyright.If you post this in your blog, please leave a comment on this post. To participate in this blog game, copy and paste the list into your blog, and bold the items that are true for you. If you don’t have a blog, feel free to post your responses in the comments.

Father went to college
Father finished college
Mother went to college
Mother finished college
Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor
Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers
Had more than 50 books in your childhood home
Had more than 500 books in your childhood home
Were read children’s books by a parent
Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18
Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively
Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18
Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs
Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
Went to a private high school
Went to summer camp (I went to day camp)
Had a private tutor before you turned 18
Family vacations involved staying at hotels
Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
There was original art in your house when you were a child
Had a phone in your room before you turned 18
You and your family lived in a single family house
Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
You had your own room as a child
Participated in an SAT/ACT prep course
Had your own TV in your room in High School
Owned a mutual fund or IRA in High School or College
Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
Went on a cruise with your family
Went on more than one cruise with your family
Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up
You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family

New photos

Spent some time with Facebook last night...check out end of 2007 photos here and new 2008 photos here. Enjoy!

Snow+sleet+rain+ice = smiles

It never ceases to amaze me when school gets cancelled due to weather here in DC. It started snowing around 10am - big, wet flakes. It continued to snow like that through the early afternoon and then the snow switched to sleet, back to snow and then snow mixed with freezing rain. I think they were worried about residence life staff making it in to work tonight and academic staff doing so in the morning, so they cancelled school for tomorrow and sent the kids home after school today. Tomorrow it is supposed to be 48 and sunny. Strange, huh? But not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, I left work at 3:15p and am snugly tucked into my sweats and my couch one short hour later. Not too shabby (although the 20 mile drive home did take 50 minutes).

Anyway, I thought I'd spend some time relaxing and reflecting, two things I enjoy, but can never seem to get enough of. So I made some hot chocolate and decided to spend some time talking to all of you. Because I know I don't do that nearly enough.

As most of you know, I have officially moved in with Brian (if you didn't get the new address email, let me know and I will pass it along). Well, not officially because I'm still working off a pile of clothes and all of my stuff is still at the apartment on the Hill (I'm still not really sure where it is all going to go), but he asked and I said yes and the plan is in motion. In some ways it is a little overwhelming, but that's mostly the logistics. I like structure and deadlines and for things to happen naturally, but this is much more fluid andhas no natural timeline. It's not like my lease is up or an official subletter is moving in and while that has made it all a lot easier in many respects, I'm not really a fluid type of girl. I went over this week and packed two boxes of books, which is a start and I might use my snow day to put a serious dent in things. I may also wait for Brian to be able to help me (the up/down motion of packing irritates my back). Either way, I'd like the move to be completed soon - ideally by next week, but by the end of the month at the very latest. I just want it to be truly real - I want the place where I live to be my home, not just Brian's home where I happen to be all of the time. I know nothing will really change, but it will be different to me and I'm looking forward to that.

Work was a little more sane this week. Not by much, but every little bit helps. My classes are still moderately to severely off the charts, but I'm forging better relationships with more of the students and that makes me feel better - more connected - if nothing else. I still feel like the school's going in a bad direction and I still don't feel like I belong to any sort of work community, but I no longer feel like I'm not sure how I'll make it to June. (This may be the four day weekend talking.) That being said, I am still looking for a new job and have found one or two that look promising. If you know of anything in the DC/MD area that sounds like something I would like, pass it my way.

My back is doing okay. Last weekend I had no pain at all, but by Tuesday afternoon that wonderful sensation was gone. Still, even now, I am feeling much better than before. I have a full core exercise regimen, including some to get my legs and glutes working (my right side doesn't really "turn on") and that seems to be helping a lot. I'm hoping to start back at the gym in February - four months after the injury first happened. We'll see.

Last Saturday, Brian and I went to see the Wizards-Celtics game and we had the most amazing seats. Seriously. We were seated two rows behind the media table at nearly half-court. I planned on posting a photo to give you an idea of how close we really were, but the site's not letting me. Trust me, it was so cool - we could hear the players yelling to each other and see their facial expressions as they raced around the court. The Wizards won, which surprised me a little, but it was a pretty good game overall.

I think that's about all from me right now. I'll close by giving a shout out to Elizabeth, who landed a great new job and Sarah B, whose birthday is fast approaching. Lots of love to both of you wonderful women and to all of you. Have a great week's end!

Sandwich posting

You know the deal...

Old and new
This weekend, Brian and I flew back to the Midwest to attend my good friend Dave's wedding. The wedding was beautiful: the dress gorgeous; the bride stunning; the groom beaming; the flowers perfect. It was a great event overall, even if the deejay's musical selections had me confused and laughing most of the night. I even got Brian to polka, which he might deny if asked. We didn't dance much because of my back, but I certainly had a great time. Mostly, it was wonderful to see Dave so clearly happy and even more wonderful to spend time with such good friends. It might have been hard to head home on Sunday afternoon, but I wouldn't have missed that opportunity (however short) for anything. I have said it many times before, but sometimes your soul needs to spend some time amongst those who have known and loved you through several stages in your life.

Last week, I had dinner with Sarah and we had such a good time drinking wine and chatting that I made a promise to myself to do that more often. I sometimes get caught up in feeling sorry for myself because my family and closest friends are hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away and while that is true, it is also true that I know some great people here in the DC area and I need to make time for them. Perhaps it will help lend some balance to my life. At the very least, it will be fun in the moment.

The funk keeps coming
I haven't posted much lately, but the most recent posts have both discussed or alluded to my being in a bit of a funk. I thought that the funk was like a short storm that I could simply weather, but it has persisted and I'm starting to think I need to take more active measures to get through it. There is a lot in my life that is wonderful and amazing, but there is also enough going on that is irritating or stressful or worrisome that I can't shake this feeling that I am engaged in a delicate balancing act and constantly on the verge of losing it all. I can't quite pinpoint what the actual problems are so I can't figure out how to fix them. Or, maybe I can pinpoint at least most of the problem and there just isn't a quick fix. Last night, Brian suggested that I am sad about work and worn down from the constant pain in my back, which matches exactly what I'm feeling (showing once again how well he knows me). Those two things, exacerbated last night by my impending return to school and an epidural tomorrow, collided with the usual sadness I feel when I leave Chicago to create one sad, cranky Jessica. Poor Brian; I was in a horrible funk and I knew it would only take one kind gesture and I'd crack so I was doing all I could to keep from completely losing it (which I am not comfortable with doing ever, and certainly not right now) - as a result, I was not a very nice person to have around last night. I feel bad about it, but it's where I am at right now and no matter how optimistic I try to remain, I just don't see an end to the causes of this funk any time soon.

Taking action
With the end of the school year nearly six months away and the full recovery of my back still up in the air, I need to do something to make myself feel better. So I am looking for jobs in a much more serious manner. I am going to start getting to work on time and leaving within an hour of school ending. I am talking to my physical therapist Wednesday morning about what cardio I can add into my core strengthening workout. I am going to eat better (after the holiday season, this is always important); I went to the grocery store and bought tea, soups, fruit and yogurt for myself. I am committed to spending time with my friends during the week (especially since Brian is gone 3-4 nights/week for basketball for the next three months). I am tired of being sad and irritated. It's not fun for me and it's not fair to the people closest to me. I can't fix the problems myself, but I can take back at least some of the control. And that's a good start for now.