You know the deal...
Old and new
This weekend, Brian and I flew back to the Midwest to attend my good friend Dave's wedding. The wedding was beautiful: the dress gorgeous; the bride stunning; the groom bea
ming; the flowers perfect. It was a great event overall, even if the deejay's musical selections had me confused and laughing most of the night. I even got Brian to polka, which he might deny if asked. We didn't dance much because of my back, but I certainly had a great time. Mostly, it was wonderful to see Dave so clearly happy and even more wonderful to spend time with such good friends. It might have been hard to head home on Sunday afternoon, but I wouldn't have missed that opportunity (however short) for anything. I have said it many times before, but sometimes your soul needs to spend some time amongst those who have known and loved you through several stages in your life.
Last week, I had dinner with Sarah and we had such a good time drinking wine and chatting that I made a promise to myself to do that more often. I sometimes get caught up in feeling sorry for myself because my family and closest friends are hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away and while that is true, it is also true that I know some great people here in the DC area and I need to make time for them. Perhaps it will help lend some balance to my life. At the very least, it will be fun in the moment.
The funk keeps coming
I haven't posted much lately, but the most recent posts have both discussed or alluded to my being in a bit of a funk. I thought that the funk was like a short storm that I could simply weather, but it has persisted and I'm starting to think I need to take more active measures to get through it. There is a lot in my life that is wonderful and amazing, but there is also enough going on that is irritating or stressful or worrisome that I can't shake this feeling that I am engaged in a delicate balancing act and constantly on the verge of losing it all. I can't quite pinpoint what the actual problems are so I can't figure out how to fix them. Or, maybe I can pinpoint at least most of the problem and there just isn't a quick fix. Last night, Brian suggested that I am sad about work and worn down from the constant pain in my back, which matches exactly what I'm feeling (showing once again how well he knows me). Those two things, exacerbated last night by my impending return to school and an epidural tomorrow, collided with the usual sadness I feel when I leave Chicago to create one sad, cranky Jessica. Poor Brian; I was in a horrible funk and I knew it would only take one kind gesture and I'd crack so I was doing all I could to keep from completely losing it (which I am not comfortable with doing ever, and certainly not right now) - as a result, I was not a very nice person to have around last night. I feel bad about it, but it's where I am at right now and no matter how optimistic I try to remain, I just don't see an end to the causes of this funk any time soon.
Taking action
With the end of the school year nearly six months away and the full recovery of my back still up in the air, I need to do something to make myself feel better. So I am looking for jobs in a much more serious manner. I am going to start getting to work on time and leaving within an hour of school ending. I am talking to my physical therapist Wednesday morning about what cardio I can add into my core strengthening workout. I am going to eat better (after the holiday season, this is always important); I went to the grocery store and bought tea, soups, fruit and yogurt for myself. I am committed to spending time with my friends during the week (especially since Brian is gone 3-4 nights/week for basketball for the next three months). I am tired of being sad and irritated. It's not fun for me and it's not fair to the people closest to me. I can't fix the problems myself, but I can take back at least some of the control. And that's a good start for now.
Old and new
This weekend, Brian and I flew back to the Midwest to attend my good friend Dave's wedding. The wedding was beautiful: the dress gorgeous; the bride stunning; the groom bea
ming; the flowers perfect. It was a great event overall, even if the deejay's musical selections had me confused and laughing most of the night. I even got Brian to polka, which he might deny if asked. We didn't dance much because of my back, but I certainly had a great time. Mostly, it was wonderful to see Dave so clearly happy and even more wonderful to spend time with such good friends. It might have been hard to head home on Sunday afternoon, but I wouldn't have missed that opportunity (however short) for anything. I have said it many times before, but sometimes your soul needs to spend some time amongst those who have known and loved you through several stages in your life. Last week, I had dinner with Sarah and we had such a good time drinking wine and chatting that I made a promise to myself to do that more often. I sometimes get caught up in feeling sorry for myself because my family and closest friends are hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away and while that is true, it is also true that I know some great people here in the DC area and I need to make time for them. Perhaps it will help lend some balance to my life. At the very least, it will be fun in the moment.
The funk keeps coming
I haven't posted much lately, but the most recent posts have both discussed or alluded to my being in a bit of a funk. I thought that the funk was like a short storm that I could simply weather, but it has persisted and I'm starting to think I need to take more active measures to get through it. There is a lot in my life that is wonderful and amazing, but there is also enough going on that is irritating or stressful or worrisome that I can't shake this feeling that I am engaged in a delicate balancing act and constantly on the verge of losing it all. I can't quite pinpoint what the actual problems are so I can't figure out how to fix them. Or, maybe I can pinpoint at least most of the problem and there just isn't a quick fix. Last night, Brian suggested that I am sad about work and worn down from the constant pain in my back, which matches exactly what I'm feeling (showing once again how well he knows me). Those two things, exacerbated last night by my impending return to school and an epidural tomorrow, collided with the usual sadness I feel when I leave Chicago to create one sad, cranky Jessica. Poor Brian; I was in a horrible funk and I knew it would only take one kind gesture and I'd crack so I was doing all I could to keep from completely losing it (which I am not comfortable with doing ever, and certainly not right now) - as a result, I was not a very nice person to have around last night. I feel bad about it, but it's where I am at right now and no matter how optimistic I try to remain, I just don't see an end to the causes of this funk any time soon.
Taking action
With the end of the school year nearly six months away and the full recovery of my back still up in the air, I need to do something to make myself feel better. So I am looking for jobs in a much more serious manner. I am going to start getting to work on time and leaving within an hour of school ending. I am talking to my physical therapist Wednesday morning about what cardio I can add into my core strengthening workout. I am going to eat better (after the holiday season, this is always important); I went to the grocery store and bought tea, soups, fruit and yogurt for myself. I am committed to spending time with my friends during the week (especially since Brian is gone 3-4 nights/week for basketball for the next three months). I am tired of being sad and irritated. It's not fun for me and it's not fair to the people closest to me. I can't fix the problems myself, but I can take back at least some of the control. And that's a good start for now.
1 comment:
For the record, your hair is official darker than mine. Probably for the first time ever. I really like it! :)
Maggie
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