"That sounds like a bad horror movie..."

The title references my coworker (and classroom-mate) Bill's reaction to my description of last night. I told him my story when he commented that I looked particularly exhausted and asked if my eyes were swollen. He was right on both counts.

Last night I slept at my apartment - the one on which I pay rent - and I went to bed around 11p. It had been a pretty easy night, but it's been a long couple of days at work so I was asleep by 11:05p at the latest. About an hour later I woke up and had no idea what was going on. Once I was fully awake, I realized every part of my body that was outside of my bedsheet was itchy. Seriously, I was clawing at my arms, my face and my neck as I woke up, but I didn't realize it right away. I stumbled out of bed and down to the bathroom where I found five welts - one on each arm, one below my left browbone, one above my right eye and one in the center of my neck. Given the size and scope of the reaction I knew they were spider bites. Awesome.

It took me two hours to get back to sleep, in part because I was waiting for the Benadryl to kick in and in part because I was paranoid about being bitten again. So around 2:30 in the morning I finally succumbed to exhaustion, but when the alarm went off at 6:30 I hopped out of bed, only too glad to get away from that place. This morning the swelling has gone down somewhat (can't see the bite on my left arm and the one on my neck looks like a normal bite), although my eyelids are still pretty swollen and there is a large red pathc surrounding the bite on my right arm. I'm pretty well doped up on Benadryl and plan to stay this way all day. I'm hoping the toxins work their way out sometime soon.

Anyway, thought I would share. Happy hump day, kids!

Perspective

Sometimes things happens to give you some much needed perspective on life. Things at work still aren't awesome, but some good things are happening. I think I will have a hard decision to make about next year, but it is a while off so I'm trying not to stress about it much. My living situation is still moderately unstable, but it is mostly working for me at the moment. I don't know - it seems that just when I start to get my feet under me, things get all shaken up again. I suppose it is possible that I do it to myself, but I really don't think that's what's going on here. That all being said, I know that I am incredibly blessed with a lot of really amazing things in my life so I'm trying hard to keep those at the front of my mind.



My parents will be in DC in less than a week! They have already submitted their "to do" list and it mostly full of things I will really enjoy: Mt Vernon, Annapolis, Eastern Market, etc. Mostly, though, I am excited to see them and spend time with them. My family is incredibly close, but we manage to be so without talking much in our day to day lives. It's not something I think about, but it's true. So it will be nice to get to spend a few days with them. Speaking of my parents, this adorable photo of them is from a summer visit with my mom's family that my sister shared with me. Are they not just about the cutest couple ever?! (Also, I was incredibly relieved to see that they are no longer wearing matching outfits to events...)


I need to get going - today is a half day so my whirlwind is starting a bit earlier. Who's ready to teach four classes back to back in 2 hours and 20 minutes? With only 4 minutes to get from room to room? Not me, but here I go nonetheless. Happy Friday, all!

Striving for balance

With two weeks of the new school year behind me, I am finding myself thinking about a career change. This isn't first-year, "this is so hard, I don't know what to do" thinking, this is a whole new feeling. It is more than possible that things will change as the year progresses, but mostly I'm just not getting the same feeling of satisfaction from my job. My students are fine this year and even the ones who seem like they might be a challenge don't worry me much; I'm confident that I can handle it at this point. I don't know exactly what's going on, but I know I'm not happy. I know that I don't really feel like I belong and that it is more than just not having a classroom of my own. I know that while I love interacting with my students, I don't really feel like I am really making a difference anymore. I am tired of always struggling to find any hint that what I am doing is producing results. I never thought teaching was my life-long career and I recently read a study that said urban teachers burn out after three years - this is year four for me - but I also don't think I am ready to abandon urban education altogether. So, the question becomes, what does all of this mean for me? It's a big question to grapple with and one I don't think I'll have an answer for soon.

In other news, I have a new roommate. Sarah moved to DC last Wednesday night and she starts work one week from today. I stayed at the apartment Wednesday night and we made a trip to Target on Friday, but I feel a little bad. When I asked her to move in with me it was late May and, at that point, I was still at the apartment more nights than not. After coming back from California, I have spent all of one night at the apartment and now, when I'm completely honest with myself, I don't really like the idea of not staying at Brian's. It's not that there is anything wrong with the apartment, there are certain charms to it, for sure. And it's not that I don't like living in the city, in fact I never imagined myself living anywhere else. It's not that I don't want to hang out with Sarah; I'm excited that she is in DC and I think we'll have a lot of fun hanging out. In the end, I think that what it all comes down to is that after this summer, I am not really satisfied going back to seeing Brian a few nights a week and then on the weekends, which is what happens because we're both pretty busy people. But for now I exist in this weird gray area and I struggle with how to better define it, if it all. Mostly I just try to roll with it and have faith that things will work out for the best. Even if I am not sure how that is, exactly.

I was able to make a Target run with Sarah on Friday afternoon because I took a sick day to go to the doctor. I was at the doctor for about an hour while they ran some tests trying to figure out why I'm feeling so run down and stuff. I went the week before, but the tests only gave some inconclusive hints that I had an infection so I had to return. I considered taking a half day, but since I wasn't sure how long it would take and I'm not totally feeling work anyway, I just took the whole day. In the end, I got another round of antibiotics and we'll see. It seems that the new "back to school" tradition for me is to get pretty sick. Not so great.

But all is not wrong in my world, so fear not. My folks are coming to visit in a few weeks and I am so excited to see them. I am looking forward to spending time with them and talking with them about the things going on at work, etc. I also really want them to meet Brian and for Brian to meet them; I'm a little nervous about that, but, when I'm realistic, I know it will be good. My sister is also coming to visit, although that is not until November, but will still be wonderful. As much as I feel at home out here, I do miss my family an awful lot. It's just nice to be able to talk with people who have always known you, who know how you think and who don't hesitate to call you out when you're being ridiculous (which I sort of worry that I am). Also, I had a really good weekend, which is nice. Brian and I checked out a new restaurant - not so great, but we laughed a lot; I had a great time babysitting on Saturday afternoon; we went to a soccer game at the Naval Academy yesterday - it was a beautiful day to sit by the bay and watch soccer; and there was so much time spent just lounging and watching football, movies, etc. Can't ask for much more, really.

I promised myself I would not blog past the end of first period and that is coming up shortly. My goal was to purge my mind somewhat and then spend second period really prepping for the week, etc. I should probably get on that then. Happy Monday, all.

In short

Back to school today. I always get nervous. I always tell myself not to. I always laugh later at how silly I was to be nervous about the first day; the kids are cowed and sleepy. Still, one corrective teaching interaction is one more than usual on day one. And no growth year kids until tomorrow. Still, first day of school is under my belt. Let the craziness commence.

Dogsitting is over. Thank goodness. In theory, I love dogs. In practice, they are too energetic, too dependent and too messy for me. Still it wasn't so bad and the pay was great. Plus, the house was fun to live in for a week. So, there's that.

My folks are coming to visit in a month. I haven't seen them since July and I'm excited. My dad's coming to school with me one day. I think that will be fun.

My apartment no longer feels like home. That's strange for me. New roommate in ten days. Maybe that will help.

Time for assembly; happy Monday!

This and that and then some

Hello! Sorry for not posting in nearly a month. I have no excuse other than to say that I really did not have much to post about. And even now that I do have a lot to post about, I'm posting more to let you know I'm alive than anything else. So, let's get going, eh?

I got back from LA safe and sound. I learned on my flight back that there is an acceptable amount of fuel leakage on transcontinental flights. For the record, it is much higher than I was comfortable with, but those airplane mechanics must know more than I bc we made it back in one piece.

The first week back I made up for all the sleep I'd missed out on in the past year. I would wake up just enough to say good bye to Brian as he left for work and then I would roll back over and sleep for another couple of hours. It was pure bliss. Again, didn't do much. Read a few books (still not HP, so don't ruin it for me!), bummed around Annapolis/DC/etc, caught up on the Food Network, indulged in Restaurant Week - you know, important things.

My apartment had been powerwashed and repainted while I was away so I came back to a shiny new building and a dirty, bug-infested bedroom (since my room faces the street, all the crap from the building got pushed in via the powerwashing). I spent the better part of the first week back getting my management company to take care of it. And even though I have not spent a single night in the apartment since I returned from my seminar, victory has never tasted so sweet.

The administration at my school changed while I was away. This was something I knew was happening, but I still came back to a handful of surprises which included a new schedule (I was slated to teach ninth grade world history instead of seventh grade Civics) and a new classroom (I was moved out of the classroom I have had for my entire three years and into a shared rooming situation, which requires me to teach my four classes in three different rooms). I was able to reinstate my schedule as it was set before I left for California (same as the past three years), but it was an endeavor that left me not feeling so great about the start of the year. As the year gets under way (we are just over halfway through 2 weeks of training), I am struggling with how to interact with the new administration, how to re-establish myself as a leader, how to figure out when to fight the system and when to just let things be. I know this will be a meaningful learning experience for me, but I am hoping that it can also be a positive one.

My roles for the upcoming school year? Teach three courses each semester, continue as a behavior management coach, continue to mentor and co-plan with the "new" Civics teacher, oversee the implementation of interim assessments in the social studies department, and facilitate/lead the middle school academic team. Oh, and I have been asked to coach debate, although the jury is still out on that one.

This week marks six months since Brian and I first went out and I continue to shake my head at how normal and adult of a relationship it is. Really, things are so great. You have to remember kids, this is me we're talking about. I'm not sure I can remember the last time I was in a relationship that wasn't plagued by some kind of drama (whether internal or external). The ease of it all, the comfort and all of the great things that come with being with him is something that makes me pretty damn pleased. Since coming back from California, there have been a lot of changes to deal with and even still I realize that not only am I content living out here and happy with my life as it is now, but that I cannot imagine wanting any other life at the moment. And that I think I'd like to keep this going for a good long while. It was startling for me bc this life is not really quite what or where I'd pictured, but, no matter how stressed and overwhelmed I am by work at the moment, overall I'm happy and that's more than enough right now.

Now...back to unit planning.

Constitutional boot camp: Day Twenty

Except for dinner and a closing breakfast, my National Academy experience is over. Finished. Complete. It ended with a short concluding lecture, which I had trouble focusing on, and a series of small group panel presentations.

My group chose to write a new creedal affirmation for the United States. I was pretty proud of our work - not only the content, but the way in which we completed it. In fact, in the midst of polishing our paper last night I bounced a little on the couch and said, "My inner geek is pretty excited." Of course, one of my group members replied with, "Yeah, we can really tell" (clearly he missed the bounce). The paper is pretty great, if I do say so myself, and the presentation went very well. Our professor and the preceptors (like TAs) applauded us for radically redefining citizenship and for creating an affirmation that allows any member of the community to identify themselves within. We got some pretty solid feedback, which made me proud. I have struggled these three weeks with the thought that I do not actively participate. I don't ask many questions and I don't share my ideas unless they have not already been explained by someone else and I wondered if I was coming across in the wrong light. I was glad for this opportunity to participate more actively without having to pretend to be someone I am not.

I was walking away from the presentation - back to my seat - feeling pretty proud of myself when our professor made eye contact with me. Let me preface this by saying while I didn't always agree with him, I think our professor is one of the most intelligent, thoughtful people I have ever known. Anyway, as I walked past him he reaches up and stops me (he was sitting at the "judges" table) and says something like, "Really good distinction you made during the question and answer period. Very clear and direct. You have a very sharp analysis of complex ideas. Nice work." I think I floated back to my seat. Seriously.

I'm a huge geek. I understand this.

So, the class was amazing. The whole experience was amazing. I'm not sure I could even find the words to describe what it has meant for me to be here. Right now, though, I am focused on getting through dinner, the night (I could barely sleep at all last night) and tomorrow. Just think, after twenty-five days away, I will be home in twenty-seven hours. That is a pretty wonderful feeling.

Things to remember as it all comes to an end

I think these are important for me to keep in mind. The last push is always the hardest...

1. The big end-of-seminar group project is more than halfway done.
2. For as much as I have been less social than many, I am in this program with some pretty great people - they are intelligent, funny, friendly, helpful and kind.
3. Might actually have some down time tonight.
4. My boyfriend takes excellent care of me.
5. Three days until I am home.