By every account, I have a pretty amazing life. I am engaged to an amazing person who makes me more than happy; I have a supportive, loving, well-adjusted family; I work at a somewhat rewarding job that I am very good at and that pays me well; I have a circle of close friends who support me, make me laugh, and never let me forget that I am loved; I am relatively healthy, live in a safe and welcoming home; and I am able to go to bed each night knowing what the next day will bring. All of that being said, I am struggling with a bit of restlessness lately. It's probably the same cabin fever that strikes so many people this time of year, but it is still driving me crazy. I am cranky all of the time, I don't want to do anything in particular, and yet I want to do something. It's a weird place I inhabit these days and I'm not sure how I am going to get away from it. Every day for the next few weeks, at least, play out exactly as they have for the last month or so with no real opportunity for a change. And even if there were an opportunity I don't know what it is that I'm looking for.
This sort of undecided restlessness is something that I associate with my generation, although I suppose that is a little narcissistic of me, and I wonder if it is a result of being in between two life phases. Not being single and just out of college and ready for anything, but also not being married and settled with established responsibilities. I do sometimes wonder if I’ll ever reach a point when I think, “this is me” and stop feeling like there must be something else. And I know I can’t be the only one.
3 comments:
I so think you are feeling this way because of the time of the year. I always feel the exact same way when I am teaching...no big holidays coming up, no days off, etc. Once spring break comes than I feel a lot better. Hopefully that helps for you. Maybe you and Brian can go away somewhere for the weekend. Just a change always helps.
I know you're right. I'm sure I could look back through my blogs and see similar posts mid-February every year. No trips for us for awhile - Brian has basketball games for the next two Saturdays and then we have tickets to a comedy show. But yes, I think getting out of town is in order sooner rather than later.
Your second paragraph is exactly how I feel sometimes. We spend our whole lives planning and preparing for what comes next. In elementary school we need to write in pen because in high school they write with pen. In high school we need to do *** because in college we will need to do ***. And we spend all of college preparing for what we will need to do in the real world. Now we are in the real world...now what?
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