To others...

Three points in response to the "anonymous" comment:

1. It's not deep down, I miss you lots.
2. We can have cake, but maybe not hats. I can't handle those elastic chin straps. What about balloons? Could we compromise with balloons?
3. No mystery - I'd know your silly comments anywhere - remember last year when you posted on my Myspace wall? Another classic example. And it always makes me smile.

Wendy, you've got it! I think the only night we still have free is that Monday, although we also might be able to swing Saturday night. Let's talk when it gets closer...

Thanks, Paul - I'd love to see you. Plus I have a lot of time to kill between the end of my conference and my need to be at the airport for the red-eye. Ugh.

Miscellaneous musings

I have a lot of random thoughts bouncing around so I'm going to use a list to get them out in semi-ordered fashion.

1. The Democratic primary campaign has become one of the most frustrating things for me to read/hear about. Not for the reasons you might think either. Mainly I am frustrated because very few people are acknowledging that race and gender have had and will continue to have an impact in the election. And I don't know what has been more disturbing to me, the outward misogyny directed at Clinton or the not-talked-about-but-definitely-there outright racism directed at Obama. Check out these two articles from the Washington Post to see more of what I mean: Misogyny I Won't Miss and Dark Side of the Campaign. I understand wanting to stay positive and the like, but these are important issues that we should be discussing and admitting to as a society. Or so I think, anyway.
2. Friday was the last day for seniors at school. For the next two weeks they will work in various internships and are responsible for getting themselves there on time, etc. In order to honor their departure, we had a two hour "transition" ceremony to say good-bye to the senior class and the recognize the rising seniors as the new leaders on campus. It is an amazing ceremony, full of love and community and reminders of why I chose to stay at this school (and in teaching) in the first place. Honestly, the best time for my principal to give me my letter of agreement for next year would be right after this ceremony. Walking out of the gym at the end of the ceremony, I couldn't imagine doing anything other than teaching. Yeah...
3. I'm not sure I can articulate this well, but I'm going to try. Last week was the beginning of the end of the school year. This means that as students get more and more crazy, I get more and more tired of it all. After observing some tenth graders run away and attempt to hide from our attendance officer, I mentioned something about being tired by all the bullshit to one of my coworkers. She replied, "I know. Can you believe that this is the future of our country!?" She might as well have punched me in the stomach. Yes, I can believe it. Absolutely. Because isn't that the point? That our school educates those students that society says are not the future? I mean, our mission, which is the whole reason I looked into the school in the first place, espouses a belief that all students can be prepared for success in college and in life. And I do believe in that, even if I don't always think we're living up to our mission and even if there are days when I want to walk away. In the end, I cannot give up on our kids. Not yet.
4. Yesterday, Brian and I went to our friends' house for a cookout. Three couples, two babies, warm sun, cold beer, good food, fun music and lots of laughter; it was a perfect day. And it makes me realize how ready I am for summer. Even if I only have a month off, the month of August should be a pretty easy one so I'm looking forward to two months of cookouts with friends, drinks on the patio, jazz in the park and walks around the pond.
5. Speaking of summer...Brian and I will be in Chicago July 10-July15. I think we'll be in Madison July 11 & 12 and in Chicago the rest of the time. Other than a trip to Madison and a trip to see my grandparents, we don't have anything planned so I'm looking forward to exploring Chicago with him and meeting up with all of you. Look for an email as the trip gets closer. Additionally, I'll be in Seattle July 16-20, so if you live in that area, I will be hitting you up for dinner plans, etc.

Y'all know how I feel about lists. Five is a perfect place to stop. Plus Brian just came home with the Sunday paper so I'm going to dive in to that. Hope you have a good week!

shortened summer solstice

Okay, so the title doesn't quite work, but I was striving for alliteration...

Just got the calendar for next school year. Three weeks of PD to start the year (don't get me started) and then since I am on the 08-09 leadership team I have an extra week of planning. Add in mandatory summer orientation staffing and my summer vacation is now June 28th - August 3rd. Add I will be at a work conference for four of those days in mid-July. Ugh.

I know some of you are rolling your eyes at me and thinking, "What is she complaining about? What I wouldn't do for a month of vacation!" I tell you what, here's what you have to do: spend nine months of the year without being able to take a day when you "feel like a break" and spend five days a week for those nine months working 10-15 hours/day plus some weekends molding and shaping the minds and character of adolescents who, more often than not, challenge you and your hard work at every turn. Approach every day with a positive attitude, even when being cursed at, yelled at and ignored. Dream and worry about your clients so much that it makes you a little crazy. When the last thing you hear some nights before falling asleep is the echo of teenagers yelling your name (and not in a good way) you can have a month off. In fact, in my mind, you deserve a little more than that.

Sorry, off the soapbox now. I have four weeks this summer - any one want to book some time now? Happy Friday, all!

some days the shine is off

Most days I find my students entertaining and enjoyable, even when other adults may find them a bit trying. But then there are days when the shine has worn off and I have no patience for their rudeness, their lack of effort and their nonchalance. Today is one of the latter. Probably doesn't help that I'm tired and it is raining for the third day in a row. ::sigh:: Just six more hours to push through. Happy Monday, all.

lackluster

Lately, I have been feeling very blah. I couldn't really put my finger on it, but I was writing earlier and I think I came across it. I know that I am loved and appreciated and the like, but lately I feel very run of the mill and that’s lame. Everyone wants to feel special, even if it is only in their small-time, everyday life. I suspect at least some of you will agree.

I'm not drinking the Kool-aid, just checking it out...

(Cole, this update will sound eerily familiar, but Starbucks is closing soon and I'm just going to somewhat alter the update I just sent you...seems good enough for now.)

My work prospects have taken an unexpected turn. Two weeks ago I met with my principal about next year and fully expected to tell her I would not be returning. After all, this year has been pretty awful and I can't imagine another year of screaming into the wind (what I feel like I am doing most days). Before I could really say much she offered me a reduced teaching load (3 classes - no new preps & only 12th grade) plus department chair/instructional coach, which comes with a position on the academic leadership team. Definitely not what I was anticipating. While I'm not really thrilled at the prospect of being in that school environment again, it is a hard offer to refuse. Mostly, I feel like it is an incredible opportunity - one not many other people would give a 27 year old without a master's - and it would enable me to finish out 5 years of teaching, which seems like a good baseline for other jobs. Plus, while there are plenty of jobs out there that I can do, there haven't really been any that I am really excited about (save a museum job that I wasn't qualified for). And, as much as I want to tear my hair out at work, I am committed to the school and the students so I kind of like the idea of giving it another go. That being said, this year hasn't done a lot to instill confidence in me. But then I go back to the plus side of things and, as mentioned above, there are a number of them. So, as hard as it is for me to believe, I am seriously considering putting in one more year. I just might be crazy...

In other news it is finally spring break. No alarm clock, no bedtime, plenty of books and tv time - it's fantastic. Today I got a pedicure, browsed the mall and had lunch with my friend Amy. It was perfect. This break - full of just about nothing - is well-timed and well-deserved, I'd say. Tomorrow my only goal is to enjoy some time in the fleeting sun and get more rest. Hope you all are enjoying the beginning of spring (even if it doesn't look or feel like it just yet).

My "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad" morning

I sit on a teacher assistance committee at school. On Monday I forgot about our weekly meeting (which I missed the two weeks prior b/c of PT). This morning I volunteered to meet with our committee head and a teacher who needed strategy help with a certain student. The meeting was at 8am so I figured I would leave by 7:15a and be okay.

I just got to work (at 8:37a).

Sometime last night we lost power. Brian woke up to blinking numbers and reset the clock, but was an hour short. I woke up at 6:52am, although the clock said it was 5:52a. I rushed through a shower and was in my car at 7:21a. Not too shabby, maybe I would be a few minutes late; they probably wouldn't start right at 8a anyway. Then it took me one hour and fifteen minutes to get to work. Seventy-five minutes. I work 18 miles from our house. If I'm doing my math right, that means I averaged about 4 miles an hour this morning.

I briefly checked email before signing on here and two emails from friends nearly brought me to tears. I feel like this year at work has been one thing after another. I feel like even when I have the best of intentions and plans, I end up letting people down. And those of you who know me well know that the thing I worry about the most is letting people down. I hate that feeling more than just about anything else. And this year has been chock-full of that feeling at work. This morning is just one more example.

So I haven't eaten breakfast, my back is a total wreck (from all the sitting in the car), I missed the meeting and I'm all stressed out about it. I guess the "glass half-full" perspective could be that the worst is over for the day. I'll try to keep that in mind as I try to shake this off and move on with my day. Happy hump day, all.